Live and Learn
by AndersenYuki4404
Summary: After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay? Prequel to Fun and Games Zane/Atticus fic.
1. Life

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Note: Prequel to Fun and Games—this is basically the story of what happened between Atticus and Zane, so rather than being a ZaneXAster fic. This is a ZaneXAtticus coupling.

Chapter 1: Life

**Zane's POV**

Life had become so different than I thought. Back at duel academy, I was the number one student and most popular guy during those days. People would kill for the chance to be in my circle or hang off my shoulder. Those people didn't matter to me though—just the satisfaction of knowing I was the best.

But the people like Jaden, Alexis….Atticus. They mattered. Their absence during my losing streak contributed to what I had become. But did that give me the right to do it? To force my brother into a cruel sick game? To make Atticus feel the pain that I had inflicted on him? Had they abandoned me? Or did my fall from power make me delusional. Regardless of the answer, I would never forgive myself.

I set the dark coat on top of my white duel academy uniform and closed the box up. Just another part of my life, sealed away to be forgotten. I wouldn't forget it though. Even when I packed the box into the back of my hallway closet, I knew I wouldn't forget it. The memories haunted me every night; sometimes they struck me in the middle of the day. Not to mention, I now had a bad heart to show for it.

My hand fell against my heart—not so long ago, I just wanted to die. After finding out that all the shock treatment I had endured during my years of dueling in the underground had caused my heart to become defective and unhealthy, all I wanted was a great last duel. But after seeing my friends again, and watching my own brother surpass me. I realized I couldn't leave this world yet, I had too many things to do.

I closed the closet door; happy to leave my memories there for eternity.

Almost the minute I closed the door, I heard knocking at my apartment door. I jumped, a little startled by the noise. No one came to visit me. Usually, if I hung out with someone, it was at a restaurant or the duel arena. My apartment was supposed to be my own little sanctuary. The place where I was use to Hell Kaiser's preference to be alone.

Well, I wasn't going to find out by playing guessing games. I crossed my living and opened my door. I was even more surprised to see who was behind the door.

"Hey Zaney!" I couldn't believe it. Why would they ever want to speak to me again after the way I treated them? Atticus and Alexis stood at my doorway. Atticus wearing that flashy Hawaiian shirt and charming grin he always wore and Alexis standing calmly but—somehow happy to see me. "Guess who just graduated!"

I switched the glances between two of them—unsure at first of what to say or do. Atticus seemed content with doing all the talking. He thrusted a wine bottle into my hands. "Times up! We both did! And now we want to celebrate with the former Obelisk king himself."

"How…did you know where I lived?" I asked. They both seemed dumbfounded that those would be the first words I said to them instead of 'happy to see you' or the more traditional 'congrats!'.

Alexis tugged on Atticus's jacket. "Maybe coming here was a bad idea…"

The hurt in her eyes made me feel guilty. Way to go Zane, seems all your good for is breaking hearts. "No no, I'm really happy to see you both; I'm just…surprised you'd want to see. Please, come in."

I stepped aside and let them in, praying that the tension would fade as soon as they came in. It didn't. Atticus looked around my apartment. "Eh, guess you haven't had a lot of time for decorating, huh?"

"Atticus…" Alexis warned. At least she was trying to be understanding of my current state. "How have you've been Zane?"

What was I suppose to say? Terrible? Bad? When in the past couple years has it ever been a good time? Hell, even 'been better' was a half-assed description. "Can't complain." I took the wine bottle into the kitchen and glanced at it. Did I even have wine glasses? Sure, I'd drink occasionally, but that was out at the clubs where they were too afraid of me to ask for I.D—never at home. It was too depressing even for the former Hell Kaiser.

I opened the cabinet and to my surprise, there were four glasses ready for use. I pulled them down and opened the wine. Pouring a little into each glass and delivering them to my friends.

"This should lighten the mood." I said. Atticus chuckled and I dared to smile back. An actual smile. Something I hadn't done in a very long time. "So, how does it feel to be graduates?"

"Haven't you been there?" Alexis asked, making herself cozy on the couch. "It's great; but I can hardly believe it's true. It seems to be all I've wanted for the past four years."

Atticus gave up his search of finding any piece of personality in my apartment. He sat down next to his sister and leaned over her. "Enough about us. I want to talk about you. What have you been up to buddy?"

And there it was. The reason why I was so surprised these two wanted anything to do with me. What have I been up to? I've been packing away that prick Hell Kaiser after finding out that I've literally totaled my heart while trying to make myself at least well enough to get through a duel without my heart stopping. Did I think I was being cheated? Hell no. I deserved all of it. But why would they even want to be near me after what I did to Atticus and Syrus? Who would want me after seeing what kind of a monster I was?

Even with Atticus smiling at me and joking around like old times, all I could see was dragon mask. All I could hear are my harsh words, essentially telling my friend that I didn't care about anyone—including him.

But that was a few years ago—maybe they've all forgiven me after going into the alternate dimension. It certainly did change me.

Realizing I had remained silent for too long, I cleared my throat. "I've been making changes…Changes I should have made a long time ago." And that's all I said about the subject. That's all I needed to say.

I took a sip of wine; it was surprisingly tasteful and defiantly sweeter than most of the other wines I've had. Atticus relaxed back to his seat. Eventually, we talked more freely—we started reminiscing about our days at duel academy. Some of our stories revolved around Jaden, many others were about the three of us and our old friends. It sounded like we were reciting a book that we had read many times before. It was pleasant—it was better than that—it was fun.

"Hey Atticus, we should get going if we want to find a motel." Alexis said. Atticus tried to focus on his younger sister but his eyes were hazy from the wine. Alexis had only had one glass so that she could get them home.

"Motel?" I asked; feeling a little tipsy myself. "You don't….don't need a motel. You guys can stay here…"

The idea, which I normally would have discarded (or thought I would anyway), sounded pretty good to me at the time. After all, when was the last time I was this relaxed? It's been awhile. Having Alexis and Atticus could be good for me.

Alexis raised an eyebrow; which I found uncharacteristically hilarious at the time. "Are you sure? We don't want to be a bother and….we kind of need a place to stay until we make it high enough in the pro leagues. It shouldn't take too long but… Where we would sleep?"

"You and Atticus could take the rollout couch…Or…Atti and I could take my bed and you get the rollout. As long as I keep my bed, I'm happy." Atticus seemed as equally amused as I was. He laughed and lifted his hand up.

"Alright Zane! We're all going to be roommates! It will be just like old times except no adult supervision." We both laughed and leaned against the seat. Alexis rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Well, if that's the case, than…I guess I'm going to get our bags then—Since Atticus can barely stand on his own two feet. I'll be right back." Alexis said, getting up and walking out the door. I was too busy smirking like an idiot, reminding myself that I should get drunk more often.

"Zane…." Atticus half-groaned as he looked up over the arm of my couch. I turned my head to him. "Did you mean what you said? About us sharing a bed?"

I was appalled at the statement. "Atti…of course you can crash on my bed. It'd be just like old times."

"Yeah it totally would! Like when you and I would cram and I'd just stay over at your room." Atticus sighed. "Awesome times, man…Awesome times."

By the time Alexis returned, I was completely ready for bed. Atticus and I walked into my bedroom. I used the bathroom first; emptying the contents of my stomach in the process. When it was Atticus's turn; I knew he did the same.

We were both pretty tired when Atticus flopped down next to me; still smiling like an idiot.

"Thanks for letting us stay here Zane." He nuzzled his head into the pillow and yawned.

"No problem. I'm just happy to have you back." I said quietly, the heavy effects of exhaustion mixed with alcohol taking effect. "I….I've really missed you."

I'm not sure if he heard me but if he did, he didn't respond. He fell asleep and was snoring loudly. My friendly, drunk alter-ego shrugged and switched to my side, ready to join the world of deep sleep.

I don't know what would come to bother me more later on—the fact that I had told Atticus that I, the cold and dismissive Zane Truesdale, had missed him—or that it was true. More true than I ever would have thought before that night.

**Atticus's POV**

Ouch—head hurts, head hurts...Okay, better now. Now that my eyes have adjusted to the brightness, it doesn't hurt so much. Man, did I have a party last night.

I shifted in the bed and groaned, rubbing my eyes. Why was I in a bed? Alexis's must have gotten me to the motel last night—poor sis. I guess I'll have to make it up to her sometime. It wasn't like I planned to get drunk at Zane's apartment. Come to think of it, I was almost sure he'd shut the door in our faces the moment we arrived. After all, even though Zane Truesdale liked the Rhodes siblings, Hell Kaiser only saw them as annoyances.

Wait, if this was a motel bed, why did it feel so cozy? I glanced around and noticed three things. One, this place looked more like a bedroom than a motel room. Two, Alexis was nowhere in sight. And three—Zane was sleeping right beside me.

We never left. Zane let us stay over.

The drunken, hazy memory came back to me. By the end of the night, Zane was completely drunk off his ass. So drunk, that he had kindly offered to let us stay at his apartment. I sighed; I would have expected as much from the old Zane. The guy from duel academy who laughed as I tried to pick up guys and girls alike. The same guy who got me out of trouble time in and time out. The guy who took care of my sister when I wasn't around to do so. I literally loved that guy.

I didn't believe he was gone until the day I dueled him. I had seen him on t.v. but figured it was just some charade. I descended into the darkness with him, hoping somehow that would compel him to leave with me; little did I know it wasn't the darkness had made him who he was; it was winning. The need to be the best. The one thing that seemed to haunt him even when we were younger. It devastated me—how could this to our friends? My sister? Me? I may never know how.

Zane stirred beside me and screwed his eyes shut. He groaned. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck…"

"Try a bottle of wine." I joked quietly. Zane's eyes flew opened. He sat up quickly and shot me a horrified look. I smiled, I probably shouldn't but, when am I going to get an opportunity like this again? "Come on, it wasn't that bad…best sex of my life."

Zane practically tripped out of the bed. He got up from the floor quickly and landed back first against his dresser. I cracked up despite my headache. Zane narrowed his eyes. "Funny Atticus, glad to see nothings change."

"Oh come on, lighten up...You're the one who invited me to bed last night." He seemed to contemplate this—wondering if it was truth or myth. Why else would I be here if he didn't invite me? "Don't you remember?"

"I remember the wine…not much else after that." He grumbled. He was calm enough that he lifted himself off the dresser. "Is there something I'm missing here?"

"You invited Lexi and I to stay here while we got back on our feet." I explained. He seemed to draws blanks for just a moment before his face relaxed. Oh good, now he remembered. Now the question was would he make good on his drunken promise.

I watched as he contemplated the situation. Thinking of all the different ways he could handle it. It was just like at duel academy; while Zane would duel everyone would wonder just what he was thinking about. They never knew because well, he always had the same indifferent face. But I always knew what he was up to. He was busy calculating different strategies; trying to find the one that would work the best.

It actually made me a little mad; did Zane really not want us around that much? We've stuck by him through so much and now after he offered to take us in, he's considering throwing us out? I wouldn't give him the option.

"Look, Lex and I will be out of your hair in no time. Just let us get cleaned up and dressed and…"

"No, you can stay." Zane decided. I looked him over closely; trying to decide if he meant it or if he was just honoring his word. "I invited you guys to stay; the least I can do after everything is share my home with you both. You'll just…"

He paused, not sure of how to say it. Not that it mattered; I was still watching him with careful, disbelieving eyes. "You'll just have to remember I'm not use to having people around anymore."

I didn't know what to say. He seemed actually pretty genuine about wanting us around. Maybe deep down inside, more than he cared to admit, he wanted us to be here. Maybe he was tired of being lonely.

Zane didn't wait for my response; he walked into the bathroom to begin his daily routine. Was he going to try and adjust to having people around? Or would he just go about his day as if Alexis and I didn't exist? I didn't know.

But maybe soon, just maybe, he could adjust to having people around again.


	2. Memory Lane

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 2: Memory Lane

**Atticus's POV **

Great, I had more clothes than a half a closet could support—maybe Zane would be willing to give me a little more closet space? He had a ton of it he wasn't using. I pushed that thought from my mind. Mom—I mean Lexi—said we have to be careful of what we do. At least until we're more comfortable with Zane again.

I was reluctant to admit that she was right. We've only spent the night and morning here and I felt like I was on pins and needles. Zane seemed bothered by the littlest thing; but wouldn't dare say a thing about it. It was hard to say what was too far and what was within boundaries.

But surely, a man has needs right? At least the motel had reasonable closet space. When I asked Zane if I could use his closet, his reaction seemed mixed. His answer was a shrug and a 'whatever', but his eyes said something else completely. He didn't like that I was closing in on his privacy. I reconsidered the idea of just letting my clothes stay in the suitcase, but that answer seemed just completely ludicrous. He said it was okay; so I accepted okay.

I let the rest of my things stay in the suitcase; a few wrinkled clothes wouldn't kill me.

"Good god, tacky shirts have invaded my room." Zane was at his doorway, looking at me in that same totally cool fashion that melted girl's hearts at duel academy. They loved the way he would seem so disinterested in anything. It made him look mysterious. It was enough to draw any person, man or woman, in. Including myself.

"Tacky? That's cold even for you." I sat on his bed, crossing my legs smugly. "I think you owe my shirts an apology."

Zane chuckled—the first non-drunk sign of humor I've seen from him—progress! "Okay…Shirts I'm so sorry that Atticus bought you, and there for, supported your measly existence."

"That's a half-assed apology and you know it!" I yelled. I couldn't contain the joy in my heart. Zane and I were joking around again; just like old times.

But it was over in an instant. He was back to his stone defenses. He cleared his throat and signed. "So…Do you want to do something?"

Something? Well that sounded like fun. I guess it was better than just standing here, pitying my poor misunderstood shirts. Lexi wouldn't be back for hours anyway and sitting around in an apartment all by myself (or, at least it might has well have been all by myself) didn't sound appealing either. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking maybe a movie…There's a new one out I've wanted to see for awhile." He said. In other words 'Some place where I won't have to talk to you'. I could really feel the love this guy was giving out.

Again, it was better than any of the things I had planned. "I didn't Hell Kaiser went to movies."

It was meant as a joke but he took it very seriously. He twitched giving in to anger before covering it up again. For reason, I found the rise to humorous rather than scary. "There's a lot you don't know about me…starting with the fact that I'm not Hell Kaiser anymore…If we're going to go, let's go."

His words struck me in an unusual way. He wasn't Hell Kaiser anymore? Well who else could he be? Because he wasn't my best friend, not anymore anyway.

So did I even know the person I was going to the movies with? Not really. And though I was happy I wasn't hanging out with Hell Kaiser, I didn't feel any better about this 'new' guy either.

()

The movie was terrible. Pointless plots and terrible actors really made me mad. Judging by Zane's expressions, he didn't enjoy it anymore than I did. It was a horror movie and he would grimace every time someone was killed or maimed. There was one scene though; one where the hero was being tortured by the antagonist.

"_I don't know who Andrea is." _The hero spoke with a rugged voice.Really? It was pretty obvious he was the antagonists' dead daughter pretty early in the movie. God, no wonder these people were getting killed.

"_Yes you do…You just don't remember…" _Perhaps the only good actor said, picking up a drill. My hands stilled on my arm rests, feeling my stomach shake at the sound of the drill. _"Andrea loved you— she wrote diary pages about it. Burned for your passion, greater than a match to skin. And what did you _do?"

You rejected her, I mouthed with the movie, leaning my head back on the seat. I felt like I was the hero at the moment. Forget this torture just let it end! It went back and forth like this for five more minutes. Than without much warning, the antagonist worked his magic with the drill. I wouldn't go into details but… let's just say I would never look at electric tools the same way again.

Without realizing, I clutched on to Zane, hiding my face into his shoulder. The smell of sweet cologne and an unidentifiable man's body wash overcame me. Wow, he smelled incredible. I took another long smell before mentally smacking myself. Okay Atticus, stop smelling your best friend.

Zane didn't seem to mind. I peaked over and saw his head was turned in the opposite direction. His eyes were shut as he tried to escape from the picture being show on screen. Well, it was his choice. I didn't get it. If he hated the stuff going on, why did he bring me here in the first place?

Fortunately, about fifteen minutes later, the movie ended. Pale faces vacated the seats as I did with Zane. "Wow…just wow."

"The reviews didn't lie; that movie was literally the worst thing I've ever seen." He stated, leading me out the doors and through the lobby.

"Reviews? It was your idea to see that movie!" I replied, keeping up with his even steps. "It was worse than that one movie we watched. You know, the one with that obsessive father who killed all the men who dated his daughter and she never…."

Zane smiled fondly and then, it occurred to me. Had Zane brought me here in tribute to that movie? A lost memory from our old days? How would he even remember?

I knew how—it was the first time we had ever kissed.

"We use to watch horror movies like that all the time." I tried to control the disbelief I was sinking into. It wasn't working. Zane watched me curiously.

"Yeah, but none of them held a candle to that one…God, if they ever do a sequel, it will be one too many." As we walked out into the streets I was surprised to find that I could look at him and actually see him there. Sitting on a bed together and watching an old cheesy movie. Both of us laughing until we cried. Both of us complaining about the piece of garbage we had just watched.

It felt too real; too much like old times.

**Zane's POV**

"Something wrong?" I asked. Atticus seemed distracted as we prepared to enter the apartment. The door was locked—Alexis still wasn't home.

"What? No…just, thinking about the movie." He shook his head and smiled. "I'm surprised."

I unlocked the door and shot him a confused look. "Surprised about what?"

I opened the door and we filed in. Atticus gave me a sideways glance. "I guess….that you remember that we use to do that stuff all the time; back in the duel academy days."

Oh right, that. "It's not like I've forgotten everything about you Atticus. I'm still…"

"The same guy from duel academy?" He finished for me. My mouth snapped shut. I was about to say that but that was a blatant lie. "Or…that you're still my friend?"

I took a deep breath and released it. "I am still your friend Atticus…"

He laughed; none of it carrying any of his usual humor. "You have a hell of a way of showing it sometimes. You act like Lexi and I are the plague, you know? Then the stuff at duel academy…"

My blood started to boil. Did he think I really didn't think about that? That I never stopped dreaming about our duel? I regretted it every day of my life and yet he had the gull to stand there and pretend like I was proud of it? I hated it! I hated what we had become. I hated knowing that my best friend was now no different than my enemy. "What do you want me to Atticus? I've accepted you into my home with open arms—and if I've been anything but friendly, it's because of the stuff at duel academy!"

He flinched when I raised my voice. The stress was weighing me down too; if I didn't stop, I was sure my heart would start going and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I sat down on my couch and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Can we just….start over? Please?" I wondered quietly.

"Start over?"

"Yeah…not go back to the way things are but… try and build something new?"

It was a compromise. I wanted us to try and build something new. Something that didn't make me uncomfortable and Atticus feel unwanted. I wanted to make up for the things I had done to him in the past. And starting again was the only thing that made sense.

Atticus seemed hesitant. I guess I couldn't blame him for that. He bit his lip. "I don't know…"

I tried putting on a teasing smile. "Atticus, we're sharing a bed and your shirts are in my closet… We have to come to some kind of a truce."

That little move convinced him once and for all. He considered the thought for a moment or so and shrugged. "Alright…." He reached out his hand. "Hi, I'm Atticus Rhodes…and what's your name?"

I rolled my eyes but accepted his hand. "Zane Truesdale, very nice to meet you…what was it again?"

"Atti, if Atticus is too long to remember."

I released his hand. "Atti it is then…"

For the first time in a long time, I felt hope that maybe my life wasn't over. That maybe it wasn't too late to salvage myself and enter my friend's good graces. Maybe this dark being had a chance after all.

With Atticus, I was ready to start again.


	3. Progress

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 3: Progress

**Zane's POV**

Having Atticus around the apartment turned out to the best thing that could have happened to me. Two weeks after our 'new beginning', we'd hang out every night after he dueled. Sometimes we went to bars, other times we would sit at home. Sometimes Alexis came with us, other times she was up to bigger and better things. Atticus had a sneaking suspicion that Alexis might have been seeing a fellow duelist.

"She's been talking to Ollie Duncan a lot. And he doesn't really talk to anybody." Atticus explained as we were playing cards one night at the apartment. I was vaguely familiar with Ollie Duncan, about a year into his pro league career. He was popular among fans with his dark, Kurt Cobain like style. But knowing Alexis (at least what I remembered of her) that wasn't how she liked her men—her women maybe, men no.

I shrugged. "It's her life; far be it from me to decide who she should talk to." I placed one card down, smirking as I had effectively won the game. Atticus looked down and scowled.

"Dammit! I'm tired of this game. Let's play something else."

I smiled and picked up the cards, shuffling them as I tried to think of another game. This was game change number four of the night. "Atticus, at this rate we're going to run out of games to play, can't you just accept that card games are my specialty?"

"When you admit that you have major case of egotism." He leaned back in his chair and blew out an air of breath. I recognized the wide-eyed expression that signaled he had an idea. "Hey! We should play war!"

War? Not my favorite game in the whole world. I preferred games that were more complex and relied more on skill. But I suppose if we played a game that was based on luck; Atticus would have no reason to complain.

I set cards into two equal piles; one going to Atticus and one to myself. The first couple battles went to me, one with a jack and another with a seven. But after awhile, I seemed to stop winning altogether and Atticus took most of the victories. The more we played, the more frustrated I grew. Three against an ace? 2 against a Queen? Worst of all, my deck was only getting worse as Atticus was taking all of my high powered cards.

"This game is stupid…Somehow, you got all the awesome cards and I'm stuck with nothing." I started to complain. Atticus leaned on his hand and smirked.

"What's the matter Zane? Tired of your own medicine?"

"Medicine? Atticus I beat you because the other games we played were strategy games! This one relies solely on luck."

"So?" Atticus said, picking up his cards and making them into a neat pile. "I have better luck than you do just like you're strategically stronger than I am. The only difference is yours you have to work harder on."

I had a feeling of déjà vu. It took a minute for me to realize just where it came from. "We've had this fight before, haven't we?"

Atticus thought about it and smiled. "I guess we have…. Wow, I had completely forgotten."

Contrary to starting over again a lot of our new friendship was built on things that had happened in the past. Not that it was bad that we used the past to move forward but I felt guilty that we had cut out the parts that ended our friendship in the first place. Atticus insisted that we didn't dwell on it but well, I couldn't help it.

But an odd thing had happened during the two weeks Atticus and Alexis had moved in. At first, I had considered their presence nothing but an inconvenience; a reminder of how things use to be. The more time I spent with Atticus; the more realized I liked having him around—sometimes it felt like I needed him around.

But those thoughts stopped themselves before they ever got much farther. There was maybe a time when I might have been romantically inclined towards Atticus. We used to talk about it all the time. Atticus had wanted us to be together but I was also too busy studying to think about getting involved with someone. It didn't stop me from occasionally kissing him when the feelings became too powerful.

That was a different time; I reminded myself when my eyes had somehow drifted to his lips. I closed my eyes and looked away. I might have been able to win Atticus's heart a time ago. But how could I compete when it was obvious Atticus was still hung up on the guy I use to be? Only I could lose to myself…

Come to think of it, I had plenty of chances with Atticus. How many times had he professed liking me more than a friend? Or the moments when he got jealous when I dared to have lunch with cute woman or an attractive man? The obelisk king could have claimed Atticus in a moment, but what was his excuse? Not enough time….I can't be the person he deserved. The words held true more now than they ever did before. I didn't deserve his love; nor would I ever get it.

"Hey Lex! How was dinner with your boyfriend?" Atticus asked in a teasing voice. To my surprise, Alexis had come home without it snapping my attention. She shed her coat off as she walked through the living room.

"Atticus damn it, I told you. Ollie isn't my boyfriend and if you say he is again; I'll make you sorry." Alexis put her coat across the chair and gave us a curious glance. "What are you guys doing?"

Whatever feelings I had about Atticus and I in the past, I hid behind my still exterior. "We're playing war, but Atticus is cheating."

"Zane's just mad because he's not as lucky as yours truly."

Alexis laughed and pulled a chair up to the table. "Don't worry about it Zane; Atticus talks a big game about luck, but it's never there when he needs it." Alexis reached into her pocket and presented a pamphlet. "By the way, I found this while I was out. It's a three bedroom place with hardwood floors and the works…I figured we should start looking for our own place before Zane gets tired of us."

The happy mood I was in faded. Atticus was expecting me to say something nice. Something like 'no rush' or 'it's no trouble'…something that would suggest that I wanted him around.

And maybe I did; but did I expect this to last forever? No. The plan was always for Atticus and Alexis to stay here until they found a new place to live. Even if I wanted them to stay here— was it right for me to do so? Especially after what I did to them. It was better off this way.

"I can drive you guys there if you'd like." I stated. Atticus's face didn't change, but his eyes did. I flinched at the pain I had inflicted on to him. Was he really that bothered by the statement?

After a moment of silence, he spoke. "Sounds great to me."

I sighed and put the cards away; assured that we wouldn't play anymore games. Why couldn't I just say I wanted them around? Would it have killed me?

It might have—the disappointment of it falling apart could, that is.

**Atticus's POV**

Home is where the heart is. At least, that's my theory as to why I had troubles picking a new apartment. None of them felt like home to me. Even if Alexis thought it was the best thing since slice bread, I'd find some problem with it. For her, it had become the most frustrating two weeks of her life.

"Okay, I give. What's wrong with this place?" She asked in an annoyed tone.

I snorted. "Lexi, where do I begin?" I asked as we were searching through a two-bedroom apartment. We were currently in a bedroom with a large window. "The floors are awful, the kitchen is small, and the furniture is awful." I listed them off my fingers, yet I refused to list the one real reason I didn't like it; it didn't have Zane it in.

Something odd had happened between Zane and me. After we started spending time together, I realized that though he wasn't the same person he was before; this new person was pretty cool too. The more time I spent with him, I more I started to like him, and the more I liked him, the more the old feelings I had for Zane returned. This was heartbreaking enough on its own, considering back in the day Zane had rejected time and time again. Now add on the part where Zane had become distant and really kind of an ass, and it just plain sucked.

But what else could I do? Zane had made apparent a few weeks ago exactly what our time together had meant. It was just to make things easier around the house. He may have said that he wanted to start over but in reality, he just wanted the experience go by peacefully—which by the way, I've gone out of my way to cause havoc since discovering this.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "We'll fix the floor, we hardly use the kitchen anyway, and we'll buy new furniture."

"And spend all that money?"

"Since when do you care about the value of a buck?"

True. I didn't really care. What was the point of having money if you couldn't spend it? "Well, what about the closet?" I walked over and opened the closet door, reveling the tiny space. "I can't fit my clothes in there! How could we possibly fix that?"

"Atti, what is this really about? If it's not one thing, it's another." She said with a groan. It only took one look in my eyes before she knew. Her annoyance melted instantly. "It's Zane isn't it? You're…having old feelings for you, aren't you?"

Unfortunately, as skilled as an actor as I was, I wasn't able to hide my shock. My eyes widened but I tried to hide it with a headshake. "Don't be ridiculous!"

"Atti…" Alexis walked over and place a hand on my shoulder. "Back in the duel academy days, Zane told me all about how the stuff you guys did. The kisses, the flirtation, everything." I bit my lip—he told her about that? Moments that we had sworn never to tell. I'd kill him! "Atti, he told me because…he felt guilty."

My anger vanished instantly. "Guilty about what?"

"He always said he felt guilty about…never telling you how he felt. That he didn't have you while he had the chance. We all thought you were gone and…he cried about it." Alexis looked away—obviously; she had been sworn to secrecy too. "At one time—he thought the world of you."

I tried to take control of my emotions before they slipped away. I took Alexis's hand off my shoulder. "Yeah, at one time—now he doesn't care."

She gave me a confused look. "What makes you so sure of that? You two seemed like you were getting along so well…"

"Yeah, but it was just to make things convenient." I practically hissed as I walked past her. I didn't want to look at her for too long out of fear that my emotions would get away from me. "Face it Lex, he's not the Zane he was when we were classmates, he's not the same Zane who talked with you at the docks, and he's sure as hell not the same Zane who lamented losing me."

The silence was agonizing. Every fleeting moment was another one where I thought about all the things we could have had. All the pain brought me out of my ignorance. Whether I wanted to or not, I was developing feelings for Zane. But there was a big difference this time—he didn't want me back. Nor was I sure that I really wanted to be with him.

"Maybe so…"Alexis said with a heavy sigh. When I glanced over my shoulder at her, she was turning to leave. She must have decided this apartment wasn't right for us after. "But he hasn't changed completely, you know. I still see my friend in him. And that might be enough to keep what you feel alive."

She shrugged. "But who knows? You never will unless you try and find out."

I wasn't sure at first what she meant, but the words stuck with me. I could hear them echoing as I got ready for bed late that night. Was it possible that she was right? That something other than our friendship was revivable? Did Zane and I have a chance at love?

That night when we once again laid as far apart as possible. Awkwardly making small talk as we drifted to sleep, I somehow found it doubtful. Whatever chance I had of being with Zane died the day he dueled me as Hell Kaiser.

But up until this point; I thought I was okay with it. Now I wasn't sure about anything.


	4. Too Deep

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 4: Too Deep

**Atticus's POV**

After weeks of indifference, inconsistent demands, and downright complaining from me while apartment hunting, Lexi decided she either needed a night out, or I needed to die. I'm grateful she chose the latter over the other option, but her leaving met I would be alone in the apartment with Zane. Something we hadn't become comfortable with again.

"Atticus, do you have any dueling tape?" Ollie Duncan asked in his deep, quiet voice. I had just finished my duel when he had entered the locker room to get ready for his. Since Ollie wasn't new, he got a later time than I did. I shut my locker door enough that I could see him eye to eye.

You weren't always sure what to make of Ollie when you first met him. I was by no means a short person but Ollie towered a good foot over me and was maybe twice as thin. Tattoos started at his wrists and ran up to his neck, his black hair fading against his tan as it drifted just above his shoulder. On this one particular night, he was wearing a skull and bone t-shirt with baggy black shorts and combat boots—his style of choice. Yet despite all of this, he was nearly silent and always crouched over as if to hide himself. Though he had apparently been spending time with my sister, this was the first actual instance we had spoken to one another.

"Um, yeah sure." I said reaching into my locker and pulling out the protective duel tape. "Anything for my sister's boyfriend…"

He looked down when I made the joke and it made me frown. Geez, I only wanted to make him blush a little; I didn't want to knock him down completely. "Hey, come on; smile a little—it was just a joke."

"I know." Ollie covered quickly. His blue eyes glimmering through the curtain of black hair. "It's just um well… I…I don't… necessarily play for that team if that makes any sense."

Ohhhhh. I laughed at his joke and lightly slugged him in the arm with the tape. "Gotcha… Me too. I guess that makes you a part of the club, huh?"

"The club?"

"Yeah, you know…" I put the tape in his hand and smiled. "It's an on-going joke among friends—a lot of our duelist and also gay so….We have a club."

I couldn't help but laugh again when he got the lit up look on his face. I guess me calling him his friend made his day. It didn't surprise me. I wasn't sure if Ollie had a lot of friends outside of Alexis and a few close others. It gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing I had made someone's day better.

Zane entered the locker room much to my surprise. Lexi must have convinced him to give me a ride home since she was taking our car out tonight. He offered me a friendly nod, and I nodded back. I held one finger to signify that I was almost ready.

"Is that Zane Truesdale?" Ollie asked in a hushed voice. "I thought he was taking this season off…"

"He is. In the meantime he's my personal chauffer." When I looked back, Zane cracked a smile. Oh good, the humor I had brought back to life was still alive. Even with all the tension rooming around the apartment.

"So, he's not your boyfriend?" Then just like that Zane's smile was gone. Something unexplainable replaced it—in that, I mean; I don't know what emotion he was portraying. It looked like he was angry and embarrassed, while trying to remain calm under a veil of frozen ice.

It occurred to me that it was Ollie's question that had caused the sudden temperature drop. He was mad that Ollie had asked about my relationship status? Wait, so back in duel academy, I wasn't good enough for the obelisk king and all his smarts—but now all of the sudden, he was becoming possessive because one man had the gall to ask whether or not I had a boyfriend?

I was tired of his games. He wanted to be jealous? I'd give him something to be jealous about. "No—I don't have a boyfriend. Not that I haven't tried to find one; there just aren't a lot of good men out there, you know?"

I changed the character of my smile from playful to sexy, relishing the feeling I got when Ollie's eyes widened. Good to see I still got it. "Maybe if you're ever free…you and I could maybe get together?"

Ollie was ten seconds away from a definite answer, when Zane cleared his throat. He was staring daggers at Ollie. "We have to be going. I don't want to get stuck in traffic."

I roll my eyes and return my attention to Ollie—who didn't seem too amused by Zane's interruption, by the way. "I guess I'll see you around; let me know if you want to hang out." I closed my locker door and put the lock back on.

I turned to leave when Ollie caught my arm. "Wait, what about your tape?" I gave my tape one look and shrugged.

"It's all yours." I said, smiling when Ollie blushed and looked away. I trekked the rest of the way to the door, with Zane following behind me. I wasn't oblivious to his glares and loud huffing. Good—I was tired of him toying with my feelings; it was time he got a taste of his own medicine.

I felt guilty. Revenge? Really Atti? Was that any reason to use a poor guy who had probably bought the whole flirtation thing? And did it really do Zane all that much harm? Zane's gotten upset over me flirting with guys before—but he couldn't help it. It was just romantic frustration over his 'crush' or so he claimed. Not exactly romantic, but what can you do?

But it felt good to do something. To not feel like my heart had to beat for Zane and Zane alone. To know that I had the power to be with whomever I wanted. At the same time though, I realized one horrible, painful truth.

It didn't matter that things had changed, or that the things were stressed between us now. I still wanted Zane.

**Zane's POV**

It was silent in the car—well, by vocal standards anyway. It felt like we were having a full-forced argument, and for whatever reason, I stood by my non-existent side.

Why did I care that Atticus had flirted with Ollie? It wasn't like he was my boyfriend or anything. But the way he smiled and flirted with him reminded me of Duel academy freshman year—when Atticus flirted with me all the time.

"_Hey Zaney, let's go do something!" I looked up from my card strategy book to see Atticus looking down on me with crossed arms. It had been three months since I had become a student at duel academy, and out of the many people I had impressed—Atticus was the one I most considered a true friend. That did come with a price though—he always wanted to do something._

"_I have to study for the test Friday. Did you even look at your textbook, Atticus?" I asked evenly. Atticus frowned and shrugged his shoulders up. No, he certainly didn't._

"_Well, I could always get the answers from you… Right?" He leaned forward across the table, his face inches away from mine. I should have found the action uncomfortable since I wasn't completely sure of my sexuality at that point—but I didn't. I just smiled and closed my book. _

"_Not if you don't let me study….What did you want to do, anyway?"_

_Atticus tapped his chin. "Well…We could go for a walk, try and catch a duel on t.v., or just go and hang out somewhere…."_

"_You know," He said, a little too seductively for me to ignore. "Someplace we can just be alone…"_

When we reached the apartment, Atticus tried to slam the door in my face. I grabbed the door and stepped through it; closing it behind me. "You know, for someone who's staying at my apartment for free—you're being kind of bratty."

He glared at me. "I didn't do anything wrong. Ollie and I were only having a conversation."

"Right Atticus, but usually with you those types of conversations end with dinner and a date if I remember correctly."

"Like you'd even know! You didn't stick around long enough to see!" Atticus was getting so defensive, I almost felt bad about starting it in the first place. The sadness and anger was consuming him—making it hard for him to breathe at an even rate. "You decided to go off to the pro leagues, and when things didn't go your way, did you even think about us? No! You sold your soul and everything else I ever loved about you, and became a dark maniacal basturd!"

My face relaxed at one particular word he said. Love? At one point did Atticus actually love me? I always knew he bared some attraction towards me—at least a long time ago he did. But never once would I compare what we had to love.

But looking at the emotion in his eyes; seeing how worked up he got about me not wanting him around. About me not wanting him—was tonight a reaction to all the frustration I've caused him? How many times had I broken his heart just by rejecting him? How much did it hurt when I became Hell Kaiser and practically severed him from my life? I didn't want to think about it—it made my heart ache.

Did he still love me? Even knowing what I had become and the demons I was facing because of it? Was I forming some kind of romantic attachment to him as well? I couldn't deny that my life had gained some meaning from him reentering it. I did enjoy having him around and doing the things we did back when we were just teenagers. I had thought that any chance I had to regain that opportunity was gone but maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just waiting for me to claim it.

I walked over slowly and pressed a hand to Atticus cheek. He raised an eyebrow. He was still angry. "What are you doing?"

It wasn't too late. I could pull back now and never visit these thoughts again. Maybe it'd be better off that way. Just because Atticus and I had a past didn't mean we had a future. But it was too late now, I had to know.

I leaned down hesitantly, stopping just an inch away from his face. He was startled by how close I was; but didn't pull away. I took it as a welcoming. I pressed my lips to his and claimed what I should have years ago.

I had kissed people before. Some girls, some men. I was a virgin in most other ways, but kissing was the only one I wasn't.

Atticus's mouth was mint and cool—his lips soft and supple. My emotions were stirring with warm, electric like sensations. I opened my mouth and licked my tongue against his bottom lip. He hadn't reacted until that moment—he released a heavy sigh and gave himself to me. My tongue snaking its way into his mouth to explore further.

I didn't get much time. His hands landed against my chest and pushed me away. I looked at him with confusion. His expression was no longer angry—he looked hurt. "How dare you…"

"How dare I what?" I managed to say through panting breathes. His eyes narrowed.

"Where do I begin? How dare you kiss me without permission! And how dare you play with emotions to satisfy your jealousy!"

"Atti, I don't know what kiss you thought you were in… but never once did you resist it." I was practically growling as I spoke. Each step another step closer to him once again. "And that wasn't to satisfy my jealously! That was an apology…"

"An apology for what?" He asked in a loud voice.

I shrugged. "I don't know, pick one. I'm sorry for what I did to you while I was Hell Kaiser. I'm sorry for what I did tonight….I'm…sorry for rejecting you all those years. Especially…"

His defenses were breaking. He unclenched his hand and watched me with wide eyes "Especially?"

I sighed. This was it. I was in too deep now. "Especially since I've always wanted you Atti…"

I kissed him again, this time it was a small yet gentle kiss. When I pulled away, Atticus cupped my chin and smirked. "It's about time you said it…."

He leaned in and claimed my lips this time. His power hungry lips set something off inside of me. I pulled him against me and strengthened the kiss. Putting all my power and emotions into one action. I wanted him to know it was real. That I was falling under his spell.

And after that moment—life was never the same.


	5. Falling

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 5: Falling

**Zane's POV**

It was difficult for me to admit just out of touch I had become—had this been what I was missing all these years? Or was this simply a side-effect of all I've been through. I wasn't completely sure that I cared one way or another. Finally being able to be with Atticus on a romantic level was well, fun.

We went slow at first; going out to eat, sitting at bars, playing games at home. But every night would end in a similar fashion; Atticus and I would kiss. But that seemed to be the problem—we weren't sure what else to do other than spend time together and…kiss at the end of the day. How sad was that? He was Mr. Suave and I was Mr. Cool in high school, but together we were two bumbling fools.

While waiting for Atticus to finish his duel, I used the locker room showers to get cleaned up for the date we were going to have afterwards. We had decided to go check out a new club that had opened not far from the Kaiba dome—Atticus's idea. I had to wonder if Atticus was so bored of the same old, same old, that he actually had to go out and find some place new for us to get bored and drunk at. I sighed as I shut the water off.

I was happy enough with Atticus, even with the complete lack of progress. It was becoming more and more apparent that my life would be empty without him. At the same time, I couldn't help the jagged pain that sliced through my heart every time I thought about what I did to him. My persona of Hell Kaiser had almost made me lose everything I had and now that it was back—I wasn't sure how to hold on to it. It was painfully confusing for someone who barely believed in love anymore.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and started drying my hair. My clothes were tucked away safely in Atticus's locker—he might be back by that time, but I doubted anyone else would.

I was wrong.

"I thought he wasn't your boyfriend?" That voice? It sounded vaguely familiar. But it was hard to recognize who owned it since it was barely above a whisper.

"Well, it kind of just sort of happened…I'm not even sure you'd consider him my boyfriend exactly, yet..." That was Atticus. Then it hit me; he was talking to Ollie Duncan about their flirtation a few days ago. When he had been trying to make me jealous. "But it was wrong of me to use you to get a reaction out of him, and I'm sorry."

I couldn't see Ollie's expression from where I was. But I could see his shoulders tense even under his heavy t-shirt. "So what, you used me?"

"Well, um…Not maliciously but…Yeah I guess I did." Atticus said rubbing the back of his head. "I'm really sorry, Ollie…"

His shoulders remained tense. I decided that I wasn't going to let the conversation finish up. Something about Ollie's stance and the sound of his voice sent bells off in my head. I couldn't explain them; I didn't know Ollie other than the few encounters I've had with him. But I didn't like the way his body was reacting to Atticus. I walked over and put a firm hand on Ollie's shoulder. "I need to get into the locker."

Ollie turned a glared at me. Wow, and I thought I was the king of cold. I didn't hold a candle to Ollie, who could probably stare his way out of a dark ally. He removed my hand from his shoulder and murmured something beneath his breath. Something that vaguely sounded like -"The locker room is for duelist only…" I wasn't sure if he said that, and that was the reason I let him go without any trouble.

He have one parting glance to Atticus; a disappointed look as opposed to the icy glare he had given me. He pushed past me to the showers. I narrowed my eyes as he walked away. "Something tells me no one's put him in his place yet."

"Um, just…leave him alone Zane. It's kind of my—my fault." Why was he so tongue tied? I faced him to see that Atticus was staring at my shirtless form—taking in the muscles and abs I'm sure he's seen before. Hadn't he? Well, maybe not. The last time I had really undressed in his company was freshmen year duel academy. At the apartment, I usually just got dressed inside the bathroom.

"Like what you see?" I asked in an amused tone. Atticus blinked and looked up, his face adorably flushed.

"Um, just noticing how much you work out or did work out I guess… I never see you leave to go work out; I mean…Yeah nice view." I had never seen Atticus so at a loss for words. It was kind of funny actually. Normally he was so cocky and confident—if you tried to make fun of him, he'd just crack a better joke. This time, not even humor could stop him from being the fool. "Do you always walk around the locker room without your shirt? I might feel more inclined to hang out here more often."

I smiled, crossing my arms and shrugging. "Who knows? You might get to see the view at the apartment tonight."

Wow—my first real attempt at being flirtatious. Honestly, not all that bad. Atticus smiled and leaned forward to kiss my cheek.

"Well, that would make for interesting company wouldn't it?" I pulled my head away so that I could kiss him on the lips. He wrapped his arms around me and licked my lips; earning a moan from my mouth. He broke the kiss. "Take it easy, you wouldn't want everyone to see what's under that towel now would you?"

Point taken. I stepped away from Atticus and got my things out of his locker. I took my time changing; Atticus's flirtation had done more to me than I cared to flaunt.

I had kissed him before—but not with so much intensity and sexuality between us. It reminded me of the fact that I was still very much a virgin, and contrary to what he would portray, I'm fairly certain he was one too. It was ridiculous to think that way when Atticus didn't technically consider me a 'boyfriend'. But— how many times had we come close to that point?

"_You know, if you like her, you should just go out with her..." Atticus was berating me in my own form room for turning down a date. Actually, it was a little more complicated than that. I had been talking with a classmate by the name of Iris, who just so happened to be flirting with me, and somehow Atticus translated that to me liking her and got jealous. "Iris is a great catch. All the guys like her—hell, for a freshman, Iris is practically the holy grail."_

_I rolled my eyes. "You're so dramatic, you realize this right?" _

"_If I'm dramatic; then you're just an idiot." He said flatly, sitting on my bed and crossing his legs. I could feel his eyes burn me. I didn't understand how he could be encouraging me to date Iris with his words, but condemning the very idea with his body language. Especially when I wasn't even interested her—there was only person at this whole school I'd consider being interested in and he was throwing a tantrum the size of Japan. "I mean seriously Zane, I can understand how could blow __**me**__ off but how could you refuse someone like her."_

_I turned around in my chair so that I could face him. "She came on to me, Atti! It wasn't like I was trying to sleep with her or anything. I gave her the notes she wanted and she started flirting with me. So why don't you go yell at her, instead of getting pissed at me!" _

_I turned back in my chair and focused on my book. I was too frustrated to read the words—I just didn't want to get yelled at anymore._

_I didn't hear him stand up and walk to me—he spun my chair so I was facing him. A sorrowful look in his eyes. "Are you afraid of love Zane?"_

_I had never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. Is this what this was about? "Atti, that's not…"_

_His lips crashed over mine—not for the first time, but it defiantly caught me by surprise. The kiss was hard and ragged; like his life depended on it. He broke it with a frustrated growl. "I don't get it! Every time I kiss you, I can feel that you want it too….That you want me."_

"_I do." I agreed. It was easy enough to say—just equally heartbreaking to do. "But Atti…"_

_He claimed into my lap; the chair creaking from the sudden bounty of weight. His arms wrapped around me like a warming embrace—his lips landing anywhere they could reach. I couldn't suppress the shivers and noises that escaped my body. It was no use trying to deny it—he had cornered me. Forced me to give in to him physically. _

_I moved him from the chair to the floor, crushing my body on top of his. His body jolted against mine as he leaned his head back; giving me complete access to his neck. I had lost control—or what little of it I had left. I was fifteen, raging with hormones, and wanted Atticus with all my heart._

_Much to my surprise Atticus pushed me off of him. His hair covered his eyes—refusing to look me in the face. "How could you not be afraid of love? You don't even know what you want from me…."_

I was just a kid then though—did anyone know what they wanted at fifteen? All that was on my mind was studying and becoming a duelist. Atticus was just a distraction at the time but—maybe that was why it was so hard to be with him at times now. I felt guilty for treating him like I didn't care for him—that I didn't want him.

That….I didn't know that I loved him.

**Atticus's POV**

"Ready?" Zane asked when he emerged from the bathroom. I nodded and we left the locker room, ready to go out. Just as we were about to turn the corner, I heard Lexi's voice. "Atticus! There you are!"

We both turned to see Alexis running up to us. Her face beaming with delight. "I have great news! I was talking to Jaden and he was telling me that he was moving in with Jesse and that he was willing to rent out his apartment to us! Atticus it sounds perfect! He even said there was a spacious closet just for you!"

I forced myself to smile; on the inside, my stomach was turning. I was happy for Lex—I knew how frustrating this whole search had been for her. But things were finally going well between Zane and I; I was hoping I'd have more time to perfect it. "Great, um… When can we go look at it."

"That's why I'm glad I caught you. Jaden said he could show us it after his duel! Zane, you could come along too if you'd like."

"Well, um… We kind of had plans to check out this club." I said softly. I didn't feel like I had a choice though; Lexi was so excited and really, she deserved to finally have a place we could call our own.

Zane understood immediately. "We can go anytime—let's go take a look."

It was nice that he understood but a part of me wanted him to fight it. It was really unreasonable for me to want to prolong this any further. After all, we had only been dating/not-really dating for a few days now. It didn't make sense for me to stick around his place.

Then again, nothing about being with him made sense.

()

Just as Lexi had promised, the apartment was perfect. Two bedrooms, big kitchen, and amazing closets. It was the perfect place for a pair of siblings to live. So—I let Lexi pay Jaden the rent for next month—he said we could move in by the end of the week. Jaden and Lex wanted to celebrate but instead of jumping for joy, I was filled with angst.

"You all should go ahead. I can take a cab home or something—I just don't feel well." I said with an encouraging smile. Alexis was about to call the whole thing off when Zane stepped in.

"You know, I'm not up for celebrating either. Why don't you and Jaden go out and I'll take Atticus home?" Zane suggested resting a hand against my arm. Lexi's eyes lit up with understanding. She nodded.

"Alright then." She agreed with a smile. Jaden just laughed.

"Yeah, all the more fun for me and Lex! Come on, there's this new place Jesse took me to that I know you'll love!"

Most of the car ride home was silent. I stared out the window, trying to make sense of my emotions. Lexi and I were finally going to be out on our own—I should have been 'Yay! No more sharing beds or having to behave!" instead…I was dreading that I would soon have my own bed with no one to keep my behavior in check.

I looked over to Zane—remembering how much his kissed had affected me earlier. I mean, the guy looked good with a shirt, but nothing compared to seeing him with nothing but a towel on. Heaven if you asked me. And kissing him in that state well—it did a lot for me. I could feel myself getting lost in the moment from the moment he chased Ollie away.

It wasn't the first time I had wanted to make love to him. It was practically the subject of every wet dream I had back in the day. Some boys fantasized about stars, other fantasized about models—I fantasized about the great Zane Truesdale. Lucky me. At least with stars, you had a practical reason as to why it would always be a dream. What was my excuse? Zane never knew what he wanted—and I didn't either.

It seemed fairly clear in this case. Did I want him? Hell yeah. Did I want to move out? Hell no. Was I….Was I falling in love with again? Hell…well…maybe. It was hard to say. I always enjoyed being around him (unless he did something to piss me off) and he really was a different person now—but in a good way. He wasn't Hell Kaiser anymore, but he wasn't the kid I crushed on back in the day either. This person was more mature, more certain, more ready for whatever may happen.

The car was parked and we walked up to his apartment. As he jimmied the lock open with his key, he spoke. "I'm shocked Atticus—this is the longest you've been quiet around me."

Breaking out of my depressing thoughts, I smacked him on the shoulder. We entered the apartment together after he opened the door. "Just…thoughtful I guess. Sorry, I didn't think you minded the silence."

"It's just out of character for you. You've never been one to let the party die." He sat down on his couch sighing as he leaned back into the seat. "I guess I could have waited until now to shower… I thought we were going to be out late tonight."

I shrugged and sat down next to him. "But then I wouldn't have gotten to see the gun show."

"The gun show? Really?" He said bending and extending his arm. "I'd hardly call it that. I've lost a lot of muscle since…"

He trailed off—his gaze turning unresponsive for a moment. "Zane?" I asked curiously. "Since what?"

He leaned his head down. "It's nothing…"

"You're a horrible liar—what are you hiding from me?" I reached out to grab his chin so that he would look at me. I normally wasn't so pushy about other people's secrets—okay, that was a lie, but not if they were serious. But something told me that I needed to know this—that this has been bugging him for too long.

He looked into my eyes; he wanted to tell me. So why didn't he? "Look Atti—let's just say being Hell Kaiser messed me up more than you know… I'm getting really tired; I'm going to go to bed."

And he got up and walked away from me. Leaving me in my own little confused bubble. Alright so, this night turned out to be a bummer. I was hoping tonight Zane and I could elevate our relationship—not knock it down once more. Although, I guess you really couldn't call it a complete loss. Maybe once this was out of the way, Zane and I would be able to be open with one another.

A guy could hope anyway.


	6. Careful

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 6: Careful

**Atticus's POV**

"Rise and shine sleepy head." I whispered in Zane's ear. He groaned and shrugged away from my hand. Good to see he was still a morning person. "Don't make me use to duel academy wakeup call…"

I heard him mummer 'Do your worst' and smirked. Alright, if he insisted. I reached over and picked his radio clock off the table. I turned the volume all the way down and changed it to a heavy metal station. I held it up to his ear and turned it all the way up.

"Ow! Dammit, Atticus!" His eyes flew open and he covered his ears. I laughed as he flipped the blanket over and jumped out of the bed.

"You said do your worse—just be glad that wasn't my worse." I turned off the clock and set it on the nightstand. "You need to get dressed—I'm taking you out to breakfast and you're going to tell me what you refused to tell me last night."

His eyes narrowed at me—I saw a quick flash of the Zane I knew as Hell Kaiser. "I told you to leave it alone."

"And in your words, I listen about as well as a rock. So we're going to breakfast." I got up off the bed so that he could have some privacy. Just as I was about to leave, I stopped myself by putting my hand on the doorway. "And while I'm taking you out to breakfast, you might has well take me shopping."

()

"So what is this big secret of yours?" I was stacking the cream containers shortly after making our food order. Zane look uncomfortable and shifted in his chair. How was it that a guy could walk around a pro dueling locker room shirtless, but can't tell me what his deal is? "I have ways of extracting information from you, you know."

A smile cracked through his stone features. "So, what, you're a James Bond villain now?"

"Don't try and charm your way out of this." I responded with a smile of my own. "You forget—I'm the master of charm, so any attempts to suede me are useless."

His fingers tapped against the table, making my cream container building shake. He was still trying to hide the truth behind that awkwardly gorgeous smile. He use to be so good at making people see things his way—just a look at his pearly whites and everyone fell to their knees. Now it looked like smiling was painful for him—not worth the effort or the lies.

I sighed. "Is it really that bad?"

"Let me put it this way Atti…" He began reluctantly—zeroing his eyes in on me. "Electrocuting yourself half to death over a year period doesn't do wonders for your body."

Oh—so it was a Hell Kaiser thing. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised but…What did he mean by that? He wasn't… "You're not dying are you?" I was surprised by how broken my voice was—but it was the first idea that came to mind. If I had really thought about it, I probably would have known better.

"Well, aren't we all? Just a little bit every day?" He said with his usual sarcastic humor. I groaned.

"Zane…"

"No Atticus, I'm not dying." With a heavy sigh, he continued. "But—my heart's been damaged beyond simple repair. The doctors say it's nothing less than a miracle that it's still beating."

Wow, I wasn't ready for that. I guess it wasn't ridiculous to think that Zane's reckless behavior would have come back to bite him but…I didn't think it'd be anything permanent. No, I didn't want it to be permanent. "But it is, right?"

He nodded slowly. "I have to take these pills to help keep it strong. They say the way I'm going; I should be able to live a long and 'happy' life."

I didn't like the way he said happy. "Is this why you took a year off the pro leagues? I thought it was because…"

"Because I was trying to get away from my persona? Yeah, that was true too. I gave up being Hell Kaiser because of what it did to my heart." The waitress returned with our food. Oddly enough, I wasn't hungry anymore—I ate anyway. Zane moved his food around his plate as he continued to talk. "At first— I was suicidal, well maybe not suicidal but sub-consciously I kind of was anyway. I rationalized it to that I just wanted one final duel before I died—one last great victory and then I wouldn't care what happened after that."

"But—helping to save Jaden and watching Syrus duel—it gave me reason to go on. I decided my life was far from over and so, I decided to start over again. I mean, I did it once before—it seemed easy enough to do again."

I watched him in silence. He didn't bother to pretend to eat the food after that—he shoved the plate away, knocking over the cream-container building I had worked so hard on. They tumbled across the table and rolled away from where I had built them.

"Sorry." Zane muttered under his breath. I shrugged and took another bite of my meal.

It wasn't like it couldn't be rebuilt again.

()

I was pleased to see that shopping with Zane was still as awkward as ever. I remembered the trip we took to Domino city first year of duel academy and I had convinced Zane to come with me to the group shopping trip. I was having the time of my life but he was uncomfortable and sluggish most of the time. It was just so hilarious to see the almighty Zane Truesdale so bratty about something like shopping.

We took a break about…well, half the mall through. We sat down on the benches while I looked through some of the things I bought. Mostly new outfits for my upcoming duels. "I wonder if Jaden would let me drop these off at his apartment..."

I rolled my eyes when he didn't respond. You would think a twenty year old would be above throwing tantrums—not Zane. He just sat there looking glum and down. I guess I shouldn't have expected too much since I had forced him to reveal perhaps his only secret.

At least, I thought that was why until he said—"Are you sure Jaden's apartment will be good for you and Lex? It's a little small."

I was almost too stunned to speak. Okay, so he hadn't said the actual words but he might has well had. "It's not really much smaller than yours."

"I know but…" Zane started and then shook his head. "Never mind, forget it."

"Zane, if I didn't know any better." I leaned towards him, grinning ear to ear. "I'd say that you don't want me to move out."

He tried to hide the look of surprise but he was overall a terrible actor. At least once you got to know him. I leaned back, trying to give him the space he needed. But I was growing impatient. I was tired of all this back and forth. Why couldn't he just admit it? He wanted me around.

"_You wouldn't be here unless you did." I had said, leaning against my dorm door. This was mid-sophomore year. Zane and I had grown considerably farther apart since he decided to move to the new Obelisk building. Being the bottom the Obelisk class—I had to stay in the old dorm. "So what trouble brings you here?"_

"_It's not trouble." He insisted walking through the door so we could speak privately. I closed the door and turned to face him—the man I had secretly desired for a year and a half. "At least, I hope it's not—you haven't been coming to my dorm lately."_

_I shrugged, trying to feign indifference. The truth was things had been awkward between us for a long time—pretty much since I called him out on being afraid of love. We probably would have been able to move past it if I saw him around the dorm and hung out with him every day. But he was so busy with school work and his extracurricular activities, we barely hung out anymore. "We've all been busy. You know, never going to be a singing duelist unless I learn to play guitar you know." A smile plays at Zane's lips._

"_You're still holding on to that dream huh?" I nodded. Well, I didn't much else to hold on to in those days. Zane's smile lessened and he crossed his arms. "Atti, I've been thinking about what you said last year and…Okay, you're right, I'm afraid of love… I'm terrified."_

_Knowing it was one thing—hearing him admit it was another. I watched him with anticipating eyes. Was he finally going to make the jump? Would he finally allow himself to be with me? I wish I could stop myself from thinking that way—I was setting myself up for disappointment. "I'm afraid that being in love is going to distract me from my dreams. From what I want most in the world. I know what I want. I'm going to be the best duelist in the world. Better than Yugi Motou, better than Seto Kaiba…"_

_I could feel my heart breaking. I tried to control the urge to breakdown and cry—like I had so many times over him. He knew I was hurting—but somewhere in his head, he must have thought this was for my own good. That maybe I could let go. "And Atti…I can't anything or anyone distracting me….And that includes you. I'm sorry…I still care about you."_

"_It's okay, Zane." I should have thrown him out. I should have demanded that he get past his ludicrous fear. But I didn't—because inside, I knew he was right. This was better—for both of us. "I'd rather have you in my life than…lose you because you couldn't love me back."_

_The day after I set him free—I disappeared. And I wouldn't see him again for almost two years. _

**Zane's POV**

"Are you hungry yet?" A few hours later after our rest on the bench, Atticus had declared his shopping spree over (fortunately, before I went crazy). We forgot to eat lunch during the trip so now that it was dinner time, I was starving.

"Um yeah! It's been forever since breakfast—I think Lexi stashed some take out in the refrigerator." Atticus said opening the fridge door. As a matter of fact, he emerged with two take-out boxes and laughed. "Silly Lexi—next time, she'll know better."

I chuckled—Atticus put the food in the microwave and lifted himself on to the counter. "So, you never answered me earlier…Do you want me to stick around?"

I thought it was a rhetorical statement. It sure didn't sound like a question. And honestly, I wasn't sure how to answer. The truth? Yeah, I wanted Atticus around. It was hard to explain but… I didn't feel so screwed up around him. I felt like I could be human around him and he wouldn't judge me.

It wasn't easy for me to admit but telling him about my heart problem made me feel better. Like I wasn't so alone. I guess in the grand scheme of things—I didn't have to be if I didn't want to. Atticus was just waiting for the right words.

Saying them would imply one thing though—something I've known for a long time but been too stupid—too afraid to admit. I cared for Atticus more than I ever dared to say. I cared for him more than the boundaries of friendship could hold. I had fallen in love with him all over again.

I was about to answer when the microwave beeped. I pulled our food out of the microwave and handed him his food. He got two forks out of the drawer and gave one to me.

"I love you, Atticus…" I said quietly as I dug my fork through the food. I was in this far. It was now or never. Tell him now or let him go. "I want you to stay with me.

His head jerked up suddenly. In a breathless voice he asked me—"What did you say?" He grew annoyed when I took a big bite of my food. "Zane, tell me…"

I swallowed it and answered almost unmoved. "I said I love you Atticus and I want you to stay…"

Before I knew it, the box was taken away from my hand. Two hands cupped my face and a chocked up voice spoke to me. "I…love you too."

And time faded away. His lips engulfed mine and I never completely recovered. My hunger was too great for food—now I wanted something else. Something sweeter, more tempting.

The kissed ended. "Lexi's going to away for awhile." He half-whispered, half-whined. My mind somehow knew exactly what he had meant by that. I shivered and kissed him again. How long had I wanted him exactly? Four—five years? My body wasn't experienced—contrary to what most people assumed, I was still virgin. But I couldn't ignore the signs. My blood was pumping too fast for comfort—my mind was racing. My choice was made before I had even considered it—I wanted this man.

He took my hand and led me away from our supper. With a devious, almost devilish grin he pulled me into my bedroom—our bedroom. "Looks like I'm going to make a man out of you."

**Sorry, I know it's a short chapter (and an even shorter POV from Zane), but I felt like this was a good place to end until the next chapter. Thanks!**


	7. The Nightmare Begins

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 7: The Nightmare Begins

**Zane's POV**

_I'm locked up. I can't escape. I feel contorted in my own body and lost in my own darkness. I could hear him scream, pleading for me to stop but I couldn't stop it. I had lost control. The monster inside me was destroying the only thing I gave half a damn about._

_He was killing Atticus—slowly but surely killing him._

"Zane…"I stirred in my bed—my head groggy and tired. My eyes flickered to the alarm clock—no wonder, it was only about four o'clock in the morning. "Is something wrong?"

The voice was just as tired as mine. A flood of memories—wonderful, breathtaking, and awkward memories floated into my brain. A realization set in as I flipped my body to face Atticus, who like me, was as naked as the day he was born. Holy hell—I wasn't a virgin anymore. I had given myself to my long time friend—my first love. And somehow, I wasn't at peace. Something in my sub-conscious was bothering me.

I covered it. I smiled meekly and reached my hand out to stroke his cheek. "Just a nightmare, sorry I woke you up."

He yawned and smiled back. "It's alright, I was awake anyway—I can't sleep." He tried to hide his eyes under his locks of brown hair to shield away the emotion. I was curious; Atticus was never one to hide his feelings. "It's weird; I've always been a little bit of a talker. You know, I claim to know everything about love, sex, and otherwise. But when it came to the real thing…well, you were there."

"Are you sure? I felt like I was practically outside my own body. In a good way I mean." My mind was beginning to go black again. I was almost afraid to go back to sleep—I didn't want to have another nightmare. I was too tired to fight it though. Atticus chuckled and pulled himself closer to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. Somehow, holding him made me feel a little less afraid.

"I'm going to tell Lexi later today that I'm staying here."

()

I awoke again—this time, it was close to 10:30. My arm was limp against the cool sheets. Atticus had gotten up at least an hour ago, maybe longer.

I heard sharp but quiet voices in the other room. They were far from tension-filled but the voices weren't quite calm either. Without even thinking, I dragged myself and a blanket out of bed to get closer to the door.

"Atti, are you sure about this? Don't you think you guys are going too fast?" This was Alexis. She was concerned her brother was making a mistake and honestly—could I blame her for thinking so?

"Are you kidding? It took him four years—excluding the time he was Hell Kaiser—to admit this! I've been waiting too long." Atticus spoke in a calm and out-of-character voice. I couldn't remember a time when Atticus wasn't bearing his heart out or making a dramatic scene out of nothing. Earlier this morning, he was just tired—now what was his excuse? Could it have been us? "And let me tell you something Lexi, I know the real reason they call him Kaiser, it's because…"

"Hey whoa! Not to me!"

Atticus chuckled. "Relax, like I'd really talk about my love life with my baby sister. But seriously, I know what I'm doing Lex—Zane loves me, and I love him."

"But do you think that's enough?" She spoke frankly. It was almost insulting to hear her say it, but I had to remind myself that Alexis had a reason to say it. She wasn't like Atti—she was precise and to the point. She didn't play games or cover up the truth— she was honest about everything. Even if it hurt the people she loved. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I've considered it?"

There was a long silence. Atticus's shock and my own filled the air. "Did you?"

"Come on Atticus, I'm not blind. He was so kind and welcoming to me after you went missing. Whenever I felt alone, he was there by my side. When I felt like no one understood—Zane did. People started rumors that we were going out all the time and I felt like 'Well, maybe they know something we don't'…Yeah, I thought about dating Zane."

"But you want to know why I didn't? He blamed himself for letting you go. Every day you were gone, it felt like he was playing a role. He'd smile and laugh, but it wasn't real. He barely acknowledged anyone's existence until Jaden came along. He did it because he was afraid to get close to anyone and lose them. Just like he lost you."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. I was a shell of man after Atticus went missing. Sure, I spoke to people—hung out with them even. However, unless I was with Alexis, it wasn't real. I always figured that I had better things to do with my time then to socialize. Most of the people at duel academy were snobs stuck in their own little worlds anyway. But the truth was—I was terrified of getting close to anyone like I had been with Atticus. I didn't want to fall in love only to have them ripped away.

Alexis continued quietly. "My point is…Zane is a great guy—at the right time. Sure, he plays cool and he knows how to keep his head together. But when something bad happens to him and he can't control it—he shuts down. He doesn't know how to handle it and Atti; that can be bad for you and him. I'm not saying don't see him. I'm just saying becareful."

I turned around and headed towards the bathroom to get cleaned up for the day. There was nothing more that I wanted then for Atticus to stay with me, but Alexis made a lot of good points. She was dead on about almost everything—how could I handle being with Atticus when sometimes I couldn't even handle myself? Hell, my entire adult life was exhibit A. I've toyed with Atticus's feelings for so long but he had left a mark on me so deep…really my isolation from this world began when he went missing.

But if that was the truth—why was it so easy for me to turn on him when I was Hell Kaiser?

**Atticus's POV**

Alexis left a few minutes before Zane emerged from his bedroom—casually dressed and ready for a relaxing day at home.

"Hey you." Honestly, I thought getting laid was suppose to make people happy—I know it made me happy. But for some reason, Zane was less than enthused. He was startled when I spoke but quickly regained his composure.

"Hey—when did you wake up?" What kind of a question was that? I knew exactly what kind it was. It was the kind you asked when you were pretending to be dumb. When you wanted a certain brunette to think that you hadn't been listening in on him and his sister.

I was divided between my emotions—part of me annoyed that he would listen in (not that I was one to talk), and a part was concerned about his reaction. Alexis hadn't exactly put Zane on a pedestal with her talk—in fact; her entire conversation seemed bent on making Zane look like a terrible guy. Which wasn't true or what she was trying to convey; but if it hurt his feelings, what did it matter?

I walked over and placed my hand into his. Even after the night of fun, passionate, kind of sloppy yet still amazing love making, Zane's hand tensed around mine. "Look, Lexi was just being over-protective—she's always been like that, you know that."

He was silent for a moment. He pulled his hand away and put it in his pocket. "She has merit though. How in the world can I be good for you when really, I'm nothing but trouble for myself."

Really? Hadn't we just gotten over this? It was my understanding that this would stop once we slept together. He didn't get to be all moody anymore and change his mind a thousand times. Ship has sailed for that. And I was sick of it. I never thought that I would be the mature one.

Well, I wasn't going to be. I crossed my arms and glared him down. "When are you ever going to make up your mind? I've been waiting years for you to admit that you loved me—I've been wanting you since the day I set eyes on you, and instead of either letting me in or letting me move on—you've been stringing me along!"

"It's not like I wanted to. I've been very clear about my feelings!" Zane shouted back. I was louder and more emotional than Zane any day; but his voice had a way of causing silence that mine lacked. "I love you—I want you. But I want you to be sure that this is what you want."

He sighed and walked closer to me while pulling his hand out of his pocket. His hand extending to gently touch my elbow. I let him touch me; knowing it would calm both of us down. "Atti, I … I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to play some cat and mouse game with you anymore. If you want to be with me then I'll do my best to keep you happy but—are you confident that you're not…"

"That I'm not what?" I asked when he couldn't seem to finish. His hand moved itself down my arm. He caressed my skin so lightly that I couldn't help but close my eyes at the feeling.

"That you're not making a big mistake. Are you so sure that you can trust me to take care of you?"

My eyes opened. I lifted my arms up and around his neck; letting his hand fall freely. He looked at me with the same curious confusion he treated most of my advances with. How could someone so handsome? So sought after? Be so ignorant to things like romance and love? It seemed like every time I kissed him, he was just a little unsure of how to handle it. And when he kissed me, it felt like he was always a little unsure. It was behind a wall of confidence and ego; but he was always a little unsure.

I had been a little more experienced in my time. I had kissed a few men outside of Zane—and while I had always played the part of a ladies' man, the truth was I had never really considered myself straight. In a way, I had always known about my preference. And if I had, it was mostly some elaborate flirtation to get Zane's attention. So I was more open about my wants, my sexuality, and my desires.

But what if you were never really sure of what you wanted? Like my pal Zane here. What if the only thing you knew was that you liked someone? Could he really have seen my interest in him as some plight of obliviousness? Did he really think that I would wake up one day and change my mind?

That wasn't happening—not now, and I wasn't sure if it ever would. "I don't need someone to take care of me. I just want someone—you—to love me. If you can do that, then no I'm not making a mistake."

I leaned up to kiss him—softly at first, then it progressed to hard and heavy. His hands drifted up my chest as he pressed himself against me. I cracked a smile against his lips. Whatever insecurities he supposedly had; it wasn't anything a little physical action couldn't get him over.

"Atticus, I can assure you here and now that you will never have to worry about me not loving you." He whispered as his lips drifted across my jaw line. I chuckled and tilted my head so I could kiss him again.

()

Ollie left a roll of tape and a note in my locker a few nights later. How? I wasn't sure. I kept a decent lock on my locker. The thought of someone going through my things without my permission was beyond creepy—it was just downright frightening.

I picked up the note and read it.

_Dear Atticus,_

_I asked the maintenance manager to put this in your locker. I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night. I would appreciate it if you allowed me to make it up to you. You and I are supposed to be dueling each other Friday night. Would you join me for drinks afterwards?_

_Ollie_

I sighed a breath of relief. The maintenance manager had everyone codes as part of the locker room policy. I guess it wasn't so bad that he asked him to put the message in. I was more comfortable with that than the thought of Ollie having access to my codes.

Still, was it appropriate for me to have drinks with Ollie now that Zane and I were together? Any other man may have been okay, but Ollie had taken my flirtation a little too seriously. But I did kind of owe him one. It had been wrong of me to use him to pull at Zane's jealousy strings. Even if in the long run it did help bring Zane and I together—it was cruel to make Ollie believe I was interested in him.

Yeah, okay, Ollie was cute—not really my type, but cute. If I hadn't been so love struck with Zane, I may have considered him an option. May have but I would never know now. It might have been better just to let things be.

But then again—maybe there was a way I could go without bringing Zane and making things uncomfortable.

I opened my phone and texted my sister _**U & I r going out 4 drinks w ur BF Friday night!**_


	8. Proceed with Caution

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 8: Proceed with Caution

**Atticus's POV**

"I don't feel comfortable about this at all." Zane said as we unloaded the last box into Jaden's—now my sister's- apartment. Later today, I would be dueling against Ollie. Afterwards, Lexi and I were going to for with him for drinks. And I should have been surprised when Zane wasn't comfortable with the idea period. "You've seen the ways he's acted—he's into you and I don't like it."

"Relax Zane, Ollie's pretty harmless." Lexi was carrying a plate of sandwiches and chips to thank us for helping her move. "He's a pretty good guy; he just doesn't have a lot of friends."

"And that's why we're taking him out for drinks—and I invited Lexi so it wouldn't be like a date. You have nothing to worry about."

Zane gave me an odd look as he picked up a sandwich. "If that's true, why can't I go?"

Because you're possessive, I thought. As it was, Zane was a few seconds away from kicking Ollie's ass just for asking me to hang out. And lest we forget the scene in the locker room where Ollie had fumed over my new relationship. The scene was awkward enough without a testosterone volcano threatening to explode.

Zane realized this and took a deep breath. "I guess it'd only be worse if I came along. Besides, I don't want you to think you have to take me everywhere. Just make sure he plays nicely."

After lunch, we helped Lexi move a few of the heavy things around—she didn't want us messing with the small things but she did pull me aside at one point to lead me into the extra bedroom. "What kind of bed do you want in here?"

I tilted my head to give her an odd look. "I'm not moving in, remember?"

She closed the door behind us and offered me a small smile. "I know, but… I'm going to keep this as a second bedroom. For guests and …if something between you and Zane didn't work out."

This again? I was about to go off when Lexi's held up her hand. "Listen, I'm not saying it won't work out. You know how I feel about you and Zane being together and there's no reason to repeat it. You're a big kid and you've made your choice. But you're still my big brother and I want you to know that you always have a place with me."

And well, being the big tough guy—who am I kidding? I was touched by this. I felt tears prick at my eyes. Ever since we were kids, Lexi and I didn't have a lot to rely on. Growing up, our parents were barely ever home. At times, I wondered why they even bothered to have kids when their work schedules made it impossible for them to enjoy each other. But wondering was all I ever did—I never really missed their company. Lexi was all I needed to feel at home and I'd like to think it was the same for her. Now, my baby sister was moving into an apartment all by herself. Now I had to let her go like she had done for me when I went to duel academy.

But being the big softy I was, I reached over and pulled her into a hug. My usually tough and independent sister hugged me back—trying her damndest not to cry in front of me. How did I know? Well, I was trying not to cry too.

I had to remind myself that this room wasn't mine—my home was with Zane now. This was just my fallback space. The place I could come to if things didn't work out. The place I hoped I'd never have to use.

()

After our duels were finished, Lexi, Ollie, and I headed back to her apartment for drinks. We planned it out as a way to keep Zane at ease well still having a private place to hang out. I wouldn't do this every time I hung out with Ollie, but if I could show Zane that he had nothing to worry about, then maybe I could stop feeling so uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Most people would have taken a moment to explore the room a little before settling down someplace. Ollie however, seemed to just stand in one place, looking as lost and out of place as a small child in a room of giants. Lexi mixed us a few drinks from her kitchen and brought out to us while I draped across her couch.

"Hey Ollie, I know the world's a big scary place, but you could come grab a seat." I teased as I held my drink. Lexi laughed and lightly tapped me on the shoulder.

"Where is he going to sit? You took up the entire couch." Ollie gave us a meek look as he glanced to the floor.

"It's okay, I don't want to bother you, Atti…Um, Alexis could I use your bathroom?" Poor guy—so intimidated by something as simple as a couch invitation.

"Sure, it's just down the hall." Lexi said in a friendly matter. Ollie nodded and carefully turned towards the hall. Once out of earshot, my sister frowned and leaned forward. "Atti, Ollie has a crush on you!"

Well, duh—that much was obvious. "Yeah, it's kind of my fault though. I used him to get under Zane's skin and well, I've been trying to be his friend since."

Lexi narrowed her eyes. "Are you insane? It's bad enough you used him to get to Zane but then to further the relationship? All you're doing is hurting him."

"Lexi, the guy doesn't have many friends. You and I are all he really has. Besides, it's not like he didn't want to hang out. He invited me out for drinks remember?" I said with a sigh. "Look, after he spends a little time with me, he'll realize I'm not the greatest pick of the liter and he'll move on to something else."

My sister rolled her eyes and took a small drink from her glass. "Atti, you're not nearly as un-charismatic as you think you are—scratch that, you know exactly how charismatic you are. So what makes you think Ollie's just going to give up?"

Because what else could he do? I was involved with someone else. Yeah, I shouldn't have played with his emotions—I was a bitch for doing that to him. But it didn't change the fact that my flirtation was just a link to Zane. Nothing else—nothing more.

And that was all it would ever be.

**Zane's POV (About an hour earlier)**

I pushed my boyfriend up against the locker and crashed my lips on top of his. It had been this way really since the first night Atticus and I had sex. What could I say? I liked it—it was great. Hell, it was better than great—even knowing it wasn't especially explosive or grand, I wanted whatever feeling I could get.

Atticus smiled against my lips. "You're going to make me late for my ron de vou, and this isn't a private area. Are you on a mission to make the whole dueling world see that we're dating?"

Hmmm, good point. I may not have cared what other people thought of me—but that didn't mean I was fully prepared to give them a live X-rated show. I smirked and grabbed my boyfriend's hand, pulling him back towards the showers.

"We'll just take a quick shower then—come on Atti; I'm not going to see you until late tonight."I whispered. Atticus pretend to give it some thought before he brought his hand against my chest.

"Only if you beg nicely." I gave him a sideways look. Had I heard him correctly? "Come on Zaney, tell Atti what you want?"

"You're joking right?"

"Far from it… Unless you want to go to the showers alone and satisfy your own needs." Atticus said with a giggle. I frowned at the suggestion—not an appealing thought when a more acceptable relief was just in front of me. "Come on, beg…"

Thankfully (?) I didn't have to 'beg'. The door opened to the locker room and I jumped away from Atticus just in time. Our newest guest wouldn't see our compromising position.

It was Aster Phoenix, just back from another open and shut victory. It was hard to define what Aster and I were anymore. At first, I hated him for his cocky attitude and his snooty demeanor. Then he was my ultimate competitor—while I was Hell Kaiser I wanted to defeat him, just to prove that I was unbeatable. But our time in the alternate dimension together had changed a lot of how I felt towards him. He never meant to hurt me or destroy my life—I had just gotten caught in the fire of his revenge against his father murderer. I came to respect him, maybe even like him a bit. I had to admit, he wasn't bad to look at—in fact, he was just plain attractive. A little young for my taste but—he's the only other guy I've really been drawn to physically besides Atticus.

He gave Atticus and I an odd look. "Um, what are you two doing?"

"Oh nothing, just you know…hanging out." Atticus said before covering up his mouth. Despite the blush on his face, he was able to see the humor in the situation. "What are you doing?"

"I'm changing my clothes, what else would I be doing here?" He replied. His hands began undoing the tie around his neck. After that, shed the jacket from his body. "You two, on the other hand, look like two kids playing a prank on teacher."

Atticus laughed at the statement. I should have been ready to defend myself but Aster seemed disinterested in the whole thing. He switched his black button-up shirt with loose, billowy wine red shirt and closed his locker door. He gave us both a second glance and shrugged. "Just leave my locker out of it."

"Can do! Have a fabulous night, Aster!" Atticus called out behind him. After he left, Atticus patted my back. "And you get after me for Ollie; for god sakes, he's just a boy!"

"What the hell are you talking about? You don't think…." I shook my head. The idea just seemed _unfathomable_. The kid was cute, but I wasn't about to_ date_ him. "You're crazy. I can hardly stand him."

"Maybe back in the day but who knows what could have happened between you two in the 'other' dimension."

I shook my head. "You're paranoid. Besides, you said it yourself, he's just a kid."

"Whatever Zane." Atticus giggled, allowing himself to show that he was simply teasing. "It's about time I head out to see Ollie and Lexi, I'll be home late and there better not be any men in my bed when I get home."

I smirked at the joke and leaned close to his face. "I assure you Atti; you're the only man I'll allow. You just have to remember to behave yourself."

He pulled away and snickered. "Come on Zaney—you know, I never behave."

()

It was odd to be alone in my apartment again. It seemed like just yesterday Atticus and Alexis had landed on my doorstep—now Atticus was living with me. It didn't feel right for me to be alone but we hadn't been dating for so long that I should expect Atticus home every night—that wasn't fair for me or him.

I just didn't have much to do. I found myself looking for things to pass the time—watching t.v., reading the books I kept around from duel academy—but my thoughts kept switching from calling Atticus or allowing him his space.

I couldn't be the possessive boyfriend. That wasn't the person I wanted to be. I needed to trust that Atticus could handle it. He needed to know that I trusted him; even with someone I didn't trust. So I allowed myself to bore myself to sleep.

Unfortunately, I feel into another nightmare.

_Thump-Thump-Thump _

_Atticus is dying—I can feel his lifeline drift through my fingers, I can hear his heart slowing down. I feel like I should be screaming but every time I opened my mouth—I only hear laughter. Insane, maniacal, laughter. _

_Atticus is lying on the ground—pale, motionless, and drained. His Nightshroud jacket strangling his body. Almost like it was squeezing the air out of him. In between his final breathes he spoke a single sentence. One I almost missed over the sound of my laughter but I can hear it._

"_Escape…the darkness…together."_

_Thump...thump…._

_Nothing._

"Zane! Zane let go of me!" I take a sharp intake of breath and see Atticus—his face inches away from mine. A panicked look took over his normally sly exterior. I realized then that my fingers were clutched tightly into his shoulder—I could feel a wet feeling against my finger tips.

I released my grip on Atticus who immediately took steps back. I sat up and tried to calm myself. I was still in the living room. I must have fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Atticus, and he must have been trying to wake me up. But he ended up starling me and now…

I saw the bloodstains on his shoulder—my god, my nails had pierced his skin! All because he was trying to wake me up.

"Jesus, Atti, I'm sorry! I was having a nightmare!" I jumped off the couch and towards him. Atticus nodded at me with a careful glance.

"I know—you looked like you were getting killed in there. So I decided to wake you up." Atticus rubbed his hands over his shoulders. "Damn, you have some nails on you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't mean too right? And it's just skin, it'll heal." He said with a small smile. It just made me feel worse. I didn't deserve his forgiveness. I didn't even deserve _him_. How could he be so calm knowing what I was capable of?

No, he had asked me to stop doing this—so I shouldn't do this anymore. We were together now and that was all that matters. "Zane, why don't we just go to bed?"

The idea sadly struck me as difficult. As much as I wanted to be near him and to sleep with him like we had always wanted—I was afraid of hurting him again. I shouldn't risk it—I couldn't risk it.

"You go ahead, I'm wide awake now."

Atticus shot me an unsure look and sighed. He leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "Alright. Come to bed soon okay?"

I nodded but knew in my heart it was a lie. Atticus went into the bedroom and I leaned back on the couch. I shut my eyes and let my mind go. I didn't move when I started to get tired again and I didn't think twice about it when my mind shifted into the blackness.

Just when everything was within my grasp; it was slipping again.

Hey, sorry it's been awhile! School's been kicking my butt. I hope you all liked the new chapter and I very much appreciate your patience! Thanks!


	9. Explosion

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 9: Explosive

Four Months Later

"Atti? Is something wrong?" The one time I had allowed my smile to break, and I was caught. Not even a moment and Ollie had seen past my exterior—all because he had dared to ask about Zane.

"No, why would you say that?"

He frowned; I was completely transparent. Normally, I was a fantastic actor. I didn't like to hide my emotions but when I did, only a few people could see through my charade. This time was an exception. I didn't have the energy to contain my sadness, and deep within my conscious, I didn't want to.

I also knew how dangerous it was to lower my defenses in front of Ollie. His advances had not stopped like I had promised—he had just gotten more careful about them. I knew I should have stopped hanging out with him, but the loneliness was building up inside me. I couldn't talk to Alexis because she would say I told you so. And I couldn't talk to Zane because well…he was the cause of it.

"Is something up between you and Zane?" The glint of hope in his voice touched a nerve but I didn't act on it. Yeah, it was annoying, but I also had a snide feeling. I was in no mood to defend my relationship.

"I…I don't know." I answered honestly. "I just don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"If you didn't, you would have said no." He argued as he leaned across the table. His hand covering my own. I couldn't will myself to take it away. It didn't escape my attention that we were meeting more like this. What had began as a once a week thing had now turned to almost every night. And while the one person I should be seeing nightly, my boyfriend did protest this—he didn't make any grand gestures to stop me. "You might feel better if you tell me."

I pulled my hand away and crossed my chest. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I agreed to go out so I could escape it for a few hours, not talk about it."

Ollie pursed his lip but forced a shrug. Annoyed, I took a sip of my soda. I had nightly conversations with myself about what was happening. The nights I'd spend alone in my bed while Zane occupied the couch gave me plenty of time to do so. Maybe once a week he'd grace me with his presence, but it didn't keep me satisfied at night.

"Sorry Atticus, it's just… You've haven't been happy for a long time." I raised my eyebrow—had it been that obvious? Maybe I wasn't the actor I thought I was. "And I know being with someone and not being happy is worse than being alone."

My face relaxed as I blew the final part of my act. The tone of his voice had hit me—and what he said had left no time for me to recover. Hoarsely, I responded. "And what would know about that?"

I was surprised to find that he too had dropped his act. There was no hidden agenda in Ollie's eyes. This wasn't about me at all—this was genuinely all him. He rubbed the side of his cheek and leaned on his elbow. "When I was sixteen, I was kind of messed up. I mean, I still am but when I was younger I hated everyone, I drank and smoked, and I fought all the time. One time, while I was at a bar, I almost got arrested for getting in a fight but a man—he was about our age now back then—stepped in and helped me. We eventually fell in love but my depression stopped us from living a happy life. He thought I needed anti-depressants but my parents didn't believe that was even a disease. They hated him because he was so much older than I was—because he was a distraction."

A dark cast came over him. He sent chills down my spine. "I told him if something didn't change, I'd die, so he snuck the medicine to me. We continued seeing each other until my parents found out and threatened to ruin him. When he broke up with me, I felt even more depressed than when I was with him and I didn't even have the medicine to counter it. But he continued sending me the medicine, and made me promise to keep living and to be happy."

"I haven't spoken to him in a while. But now I understand the sacrifice he made so I could be happy. He knew that being together was tearing both of us to shreds, so he let me go. And while I haven't found happiness yet." He smiled and gave me a side glance. "I have hope that I will be one day."

A small smile crossed my lips after all. For the first time that night, I found the power to stop being sad and it was because of Ollie.

And if I didn't have to go home, I might have remained happy.

()

"I'm home." I turned to see Zane sleeping on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him. His adorable sleeping state only added to the expanding pit in my heart. How was it that he could be so calm out here on the couch but so distraught in our bed? Weren't people in love supposed to share their bed happily? Weren't they supposed to share laughs as well as tears? Where was one suppose to end and the other end? Not that it was a problem—all we seem to share now a days was the depressing agony.

Still—he was pretty cute when he slept. I tried to walk quietly so not to disturb him. It turned out to be in vain—he reached out and grabbed my hand when I was close enough.

"Welcome home…" Zane sat up on the couch and groggily scratched his head. "How was it?"

I walked around him and sat down next to him on the couch. Watching as he tried to crack his neck. "It's fine—I enjoyed it. Is your neck hurting?" I reached over to touch it but Zane's hand stopped me. Just another habit he picked up over time. You would think after a few months, it wouldn't hurt me so much, but that wasn't the case. "Maybe you should sleep in the bed tonight."

"Not tonight... I'll be fine." Fine…right.

"Zane, if you were 'fine', you wouldn't have your neck problems… Why can't you come to bed?" Before I could fight it, my voice became frantic. My hand gripped on to his shoulder. "Come on, let's go right now…"

His voice became lined with a growl as he jumped up from the couch. "I said no Atti! Why is that so difficult to understand?"

"Because I don't understand why it's such a big deal!" I shouted. Zane stopped but he didn't turn to face me. He was enabling his own behavior; as usual. It just made me angrier—it just added fuel to the fire. "We LIVE together. We have sex together or at least we use to! Why can't you come to bed and just stay there?"

Nothing. No response. I grabbed the pillow off the couch and threw it at him; my childish antics always got a reaction from him. He looked over his shoulder, the pain evident in his eyes. I should have stopped, but I couldn't. My eyes were watering and if I didn't yell, I would start crying. "How could you let it get to this? What the hell happened? I can barely stand coming home because it doesn't feel like one. You said you loved me, why doesn't it feel like it?"

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else! And I don't want to hurt you again!" Zane faced me completely. My shock at his outburst subsided the tears. "But I do anyway… You don't think I've noticed how miserable you've become? How much time you're spending with Ollie? I hate it!"

"Then why don't you change it?" My voice was quiet, but it carried more emotion than I ever had before. Zane casted his eyes to the floor. I couldn't stand the pain anymore. Neither his nor mine. My heart felt like it was breaking and I could feel his heart shredding between my fingers. If I didn't do something, the sadness would suffocate both of us.

So without remembering how, I crossed the room and forced my lips against his.

**Zane's POV**

"Where's Atticus?" Ollie Duncan said in his less than patient voice. I really didn't have the head for it. It was Friday night and I wanted to get home so I could spend some time with Atticus—maybe try to sleep in bed with him again.

The past few nights, I got through. The nightmares were worse but progress was progress. Atti seemed more at ease so I tried for his sake—I wanted him to be happy. But it was hard to feel secure in our relationship ship when Ollie was standing outside, waiting for **my** boyfriend to emerge.

"He's getting a few things around before we go. I'll tell him you were looking for him." I said in a low and dangerous voice. Most people would have back off the minute they heard it but Ollie seemed more amused by it than anything else.

I was surprised when he responded. "Oh no, actually you were the one I wanted to talk to. So this is perfect."

What possible business could he have with me? I barely knew the guy and what I did know about him was that he spends too much time around Atticus. With both those things in mind, I was very curious to see what he had to say.

"Look, I know Atticus is a wonderful person—and when a person like that touches your life. It's difficult to let them go." His voice became very patronizing as he spoke. "But… you're making Atti miserable. He's afraid to live his life because you might object to it, but you haven't done anything to make it better."

Okay—I knew one other thing about Ollie Duncan. I didn't like him. _**At all**_. "So, what are you saying Duncan? I should let him go so the nearest piss-ant with an apparent death wish can sweep him up? Go. Fuck. Yourself."

He laughed under his breath. "Oh, very clever. Kiss your mother with that mouth? Atti's not an object you can control, asshole – "

"I well aware of that. But make no mistake, he's mine!" When was the last time I had gotten so protective about Atticus? I'm not sure… but it's been way too long. The power inside me was dark and wicked—it told me to take my stance over Atticus and obliterate my competition. I got very close to Ollie, giving him one of my trademark Hell Kaiser smiles. "And even if he wasn't Ollie—don't believe for second someone like you would ever stand a chance with someone like…"

"What the hell is going on out here?" Atticus was glaring me down as he stepped between me and Ollie.

Behind him, Ollie was trying to act strong, but I could see the nervousness beneath his features. Faked, I was sure. An elaborate attempt to make me look bad.

And the worst part was it was working. "Nothing. Ollie just wanted to have a little chat."

"Yeah, well I think you and I need to have one too." He shot Ollie an apologetic look as he took my arm. "I'll…talk to you later."

"Whatever, I'm going to the bar." With that, Ollie turned on his heels and started walking away. My blood was still turning from what he was saying earlier. Before reaching the exit, he turned back to deliver an encore. "You know, you're right—I will never be good enough to be with someone like Atti. But you don't deserve him anymore than I do."

He walked through the doors, leaving Atticus attached to my arm. Atticus released it and turned to glare at me. "How could you say that to him? Do you have any idea what he's been through?"

"He was the one who started it, I was just finishing it!" I growled, pointing towards the exit Ollie had just left. "That's exactly what I was afraid of happening. You need to stay away from him from now on!"

There was an air of unbearable anger between us. It was shattering. I couldn't stand it. I willed myself calm and spoke. "He's in love with you Atticus. He doesn't want to be your friend; he wants to be with you! And I don't want you anywhere near him." It was quiet for a moment. Atticus kept a strong hard glare. I didn't like it. "Tell me you won't see him again."

He didn't. Instead, he exploded. "Fuck you…. Seriously Zane, just fuck you!" His eyes welled with tears as he pushed me away. With a balanced of hurt and confusion, I watched as he backed away. "I can't do this anymore! One moment, you're a million miles away, the next you're being possessive. I look at you and I see the guy I loved in high school and then you turn into Hell Kaiser again. And I don't know who I'm with or who I love, or what you're even thinking!"

"Atti, listen…"

I tried to move closer but he stepped away from me, pushing my hands away from him. "I thought you had given it up. I thought you were done being Hell Kaiser. I thought everything was fine but we're right back to where we were back at duel academy and it sucks! I'm so tired of it! Just go home Zane! Go home and be by yourself until you can make up your god damn mind!"

Atticus turned and walked out the very same exit Ollie had gone through. I felt tears burning at my own eyes but I forced them down. I couldn't break down. Not now. Not when my dignity was all I had left.

Not when I was so close to losing the one person I loved.


	10. The Nail

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: I do not own the show Yu-gi-oh GX or its characters.

Plot Summary- After giving up his persona as Hell Kaiser, Zane Truesdale doesn't really have much to live for. But what happens when his high school crush and his sister need a place to stay?

Chapter 10: The Nail

**Zane's POV**

I didn't go straight home. I ended staying at the duel arena for a few more hours—watching the duels as they went on. Watching as kids, fresh off duel academy lived their lives. Fun, happy, naive… Everything I wish I was still at times.

Wow, how in the world had my life gotten to this? What happened to boxing Hell Kaiser up and throwing him away? What about starting life a new? Including loving Atticus the ways I always wanted to. When was the moment my wonderful plan had gone to shreds?

The moment Atticus walked through the door with his goofy smile.

I stood from my seat and sighed. When was the last time I had even seen that smile? He use to give it out to everyone, even if he didn't their name. Now the only one who ever got to see them was Ollie, who manipulated for every single one of them.

Ollie god—no doubt, that was who he was with. That was just Atticus's style. If you told him he couldn't do something; he did so anyway, just to prove a point. It didn't matter if you were joking, literal, or speaking metaphorically—there was only one person who could hold him back and that was himself…and me apparently.

Had there been truth to Ollie's words? I walked up the steps, following the last traces of the crowd out the door. Was I just with Atticus because it was too hard to let go? If so…it wasn't fair. Yes, I know I love him, but why did it seem like love only went so far between us. Why do I feel like—we'd be happier if we ended it.

No, I could hardly fathom it. The very thought made my heart rate spike up. Poor heart, it's probably suffered the most tonight. I felt like calling the doctors and telling them how strong it really was—to last through this roller coaster was nothing short of a miracle. This wasn't a healthy way to live. Granted, my life in the past few years has been anything but health oriented—but this was slow murder. I was going to die from my obsession for Atticus.

I wished—for the first time, in a long time—that I was the kid from Duel Academy. The one who knew what he wanted and how to get it. The kid who was cool, calm, and didn't need anyone to make his life complete—the one who still hurt Atticus…Maybe not the kid from duel academy but a mixture between that and someone who didn't hurt Atti all the time.

"You're still here, Zane?" I turned around to see my brother, walking towards me. Even with his growth spurt and deeper voice, I still towered over him. "I thought you and Atticus had plans tonight."

His face paled when I shot him a glare. "Oh…sorry, I…"

"You're oblivious." I sighed and shook my head. For once, I was glad to see someone stop to take an interest, even if it was someone I didn't want to see me weak. "It's not your fault, you get it from mom."

He looked at my cautiously, trying to decide if he should ask or just leave. I could live with either. He chose a secret third door. With a somber look he looked to the floor. "Chazz asked me out tonight…"

I did a double take just to make sure I had heard right. Chazz—loud, obnoxious, but confident Chazz, had asked my brother—dorky, quiet, and meek Syrus, out on a date? As far as I knew, Syrus was still nursing the heartbreak he felt about Jaden dating Jesse, so I would have assumed he said no, had it not been for the far off look in his eyes. "Um, well… what did you say?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know what you said?" For the first time for both myself and I think him that night, we smiled. Syrus shook his head.

"No, I told him I didn't know if I wanted to…"

"How come?"

"What do you mean how come? Because he was a jerk to me all those years and now suddenly, he likes me? It sounds very fishy, don't you think?" Well, I will admit he had a point. Chazz has never shown any interest in my brother before now. But he hadn't shown much of an interest in anyone, besides Alexis—which was really more of a denial that he was gay. "But… he's been pretty kind to me lately—almost like we've always been friends. It's so uncharacteristic but—it does make me feel good. And…Chazz isn't a bad looking guy by any means."

Syrus paled further when he made the realization. "Oh my god Zane, am I crushing on him?"

"It would sound so." I said with a light shrug. "I guess maybe you do want to date him."

"I don't know…" Syrus groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "I want to but… I'm afraid to trust him. To trust anyone romantically. People seem pretty keen on hurting me," I cringed, people like me. " So what's to stop Chazz from doing it?"

I would never apologize for the things I've done to make my brother a better duelist. Everything I've done has been an attempt to make him a better and stronger person. I would apologize for what they had done to his confidence. The day he dueled that bully, I nearly obliterated his confidence and it took Jaden and all his other friends to build it up again.

Wow, maybe I was just good at destroying people. "Syrus—you shouldn't let the things I've done, affect your life so much."

He raised an eyebrow. When he realized what I was talking about, his face melted into sorrow. "Oh that…wait? What happened while you were Hell Kaiser or while you were attending duel academy."

Why did he have to make talking to him so aggravating? "Both, I guess."

Syrus carefully smile and wrapped his arms around himself. "Zane, I've already forgiven you for both of those things—and even if I hadn't, you're not the reason I'm like this... or at least, not all of it. People…have been stepping on me all my life or they did before I got strong enough to stop them from doing it."

Syrus 'huh'd' under his breath. "I guess… we've both grown a lot these past few years? I have to say…what you've overcome is amazing."

Wow, I can't believe I could feel so humbled by my brother. "Zane, listen… I know things aren't great in your life right now. They aren't peachy in mine either. But you're one of the strongest people I know."

It was one of those rare moments in life where I allowed myself to be overcome in what my brother was saying. Even with Atticus MIA—I realized Syrus was right—I wasn't the same person I was so many years ago, and I may not have even been a perfect person. But I've grown so much that it was hard to say the person I was now was a bad one—maybe I was even a good one.

I'm in this place because I had tried to throw Hell Kaiser out of my life; when I should have been learning to live with it. Being him didn't make me a weaker person unless I allowed it too. I had to admit to myself that I would never be free from him completely—but I should instead focus on making myself a better person.

Syrus seemed to come to his own realizations. "I guess…one date can't hurt, can it? Who knows, it could be fun… Thanks Zane."

"No problem, little brother." I wouldn't say then and there…but I owed him thanks too. "So, do you need a ride home?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to try and catch Chazz and see if he'll give me one. If nothing else, I can take a cab home." Syrus said, sticking his hands into his pockets meekly. "Oh and Zane, I hope everything works out between you and Atticus…you deserve to be happy."

I nodded, for once, agreeing with that statement. And now that I had what I needed to make both he and I happy; things were looking up.

I never even saw it coming.

**Atticus's POV**

(Next day, late afternoon)

Filthy. Disgusting. Am I forgetting anything? Oh right, whore. Just a few words to describe what I was, and how I felt.

"Atti?" My sister peaked into the room. I twisted away in the bed she had left for me. I didn't want to see anyone. I never thought I would be more miserable than I had been the past few months, but being the over-achiever I was, I blew myself out of the water with a mistake. One big, devastating mistake. "Atti, Zane's been calling both your phone and mine all day. He's started to get worried about you…And you've spent all day in that bed, how long do you plan to sleep this away?"

Eternity would be acceptable. "I can't see him, Lexi…" My voice cracked at the end part—I couldn't help him. "Tell him… Tell him I can't see him."

My sister walked over and sat at the edge of the bed. Unconsciously, I moved to make room for her. "I know you two had a big fight last night and things have been less than ideal but Atti, I think he's changed. He sounded so hopeful when he asked for you last night. Maybe he's distant phase is done with."

I covered my eyes with my hair in an attempt to hide my shame. I would have been enthralled to hear that months ago—now it just hurt all the more. My sister saw right through it. Her tone turned suspicious. "Atti…you went out with Ollie last night right?"

My breath hitched at the sound of his name. The memories flooded back in an instant and my heart sank to the pits of hell. "Yeah, I was…"

Her eyes narrowed. "And you didn't come here until this morning. So, you guys were out all night?"

I shook my head carefully. "We turned in early. I spent the night at his place…"

And then Alexis's frowned. For the first time, I saw disgust (well serious disgust anyway) in her eyes for me. "Atti, what did you do with Ollie last night?"

With a low, voice… I recited it. And as I did, the memory replayed itself.

"_You can sleep here tonight." Ollie said as he locked the door to his apartment. If my blood alcohol level hadn't been so high, I might have found his place dull and void of personality. But instead, I grinned stumbling through the door like a slap happy idiot._

"_Great, anywhere away from that jackass." After slamming down on the couch, I looked up to see the smirk on Ollie's face. You know—it wasn't a bad smile but something was very unnerving about it. It was the type of smile a cat wore before pouncing a mouse. I should have been uncomfortable from it—but my emotions were so stuck between shambles and numb, that it made me smile back instead._

_I took a look around. I could see one bathroom, one room, and the kitchen area. I guess he didn't have a second bedroom? "So, I guess I sleep here then?" _

_The smile grew, and before I knew it, Ollie was crossing the room. In the back of my head warning bells were going off—but it emerged in the form of a confused look. Ollie leaned down and cupped my cheek. His finger tracing the line of my cheek. I didn't stop it. I couldn't. This was set in motion months ago. "No—you're sleeping with me."_

_His mouth—gently at first—encased itself around mine. I stood still for a moment—it was warm, it was nice, but not nearly as wonderful as kissing Zane. But the attention was hard to ignore. My stomach turned, warning me that this wasn't right. It wasn't fair to anyone. My heart on the other hand, ached for the attention. It reminded me of how inconsistently Zane had noticed me, loved me, or even wanted me. _

_Ollie's kiss got harder and more confident. I lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck. He pressed his body against mine, and laid us both out across the couch. He proceeded to rain kisses down my face and neck as I giggled. _

_I wasn't sure if I was drunk, neglected, angry, or all of the above. There came a point soon after it had happened where the only emotion I could feel is self hatred. While the night went on, I rolled with it. Telling myself this was what I needed to be happy; physical affection and someone who wanted me. But when the light of morning came—I wanted to take it all back. I wished I had never met Ollie Duncan, or let him take advantage of my state. I was so angry at him, that the morning after, I could only say once sentence to him. "Take me to my sister's place, please… I want to go there."_

_And with a smile of victory, he raised his naked body out of bed. "Sure, babe…Anything you want." _

_I'm glad he had won something; I may have lost everything._

"Atti, how could you…" When a tear broke through my defenses, Alexis relaxed her look. "I'm sorry; I mean…It's just not you! You never even considered something like this before."

"I don't know, Lex, okay? All I know is that I hate myself, and I hate this situation more." With new energy, I quickly got out of bed. I focused on keeping my breath even. "This is it. I've done it. I've ruined everything! Not only did I betray my boyfriend and best friend, but he was right about him doing it! I have no hope of making things right now."

Lexi watched me with—sympathy? Yeah, let's go with that… Pity was just too much to bare. With a sigh, she rose from the bed and looked me in the eye. "What you did, Atti… I'm not going to lie, it was bad. I'm disappointed you did it. But it wasn't all your fault….Zane pushed you into doing it, and he's just as responsible as you are."

I could hear the truth in it. My guilt refused to let me accept it though. "But…I didn't have to sleep with him…"

"No, but if someone I loved did the things to me that Zane did to you—I probably would have done the same thing." Alexis wrapped her arms around me and held me close. Rocking me in her arms. The embrace was so comforting; I melt into a pool of tears. "If you want to make this right Atti—if you want this to end… You have to face Zane, and tell him what happened. Tell him why you did it—and see what happens."

I didn't want to, but I knew my sister was right. I owed Zane the truth—and he owed me some understanding. And whether we broke up or not, I had to end this.

()

"Atticus?" I was startled by the excited tone in his voice when I entered the apartment. With quick strides, he cross the apartment. He only stopped when I back myself against the door; away from his touch. He backed off. "Atti, listen… I'm done blaming myself for what happened to you. I promise honey, I won't keep away from you any longer. I'll sleep in the bed with you every night—I'll spend time with you. I want to spend every moment with you. I swear it this time; I will never make you feel lonely again."

The admission left me speechless. He was serious—the look in his eyes had told me that much. My face felt numb—every part of my body did. Whatever expression I had on my face must have been opposite of what he wanted to see. "I know—it's just words. I've been telling you a lot of things, but I mean it this time. Atticus, I love you."

"Don't say that…" I whispered at last. I walked past him and sat down on the couch. "I don't deserve it."

He tilted his head in confusion. I wrapped one hand around the other and squeezed tightly. I could go a long with this—just pretend like nothing ever happened between Ollie and me. I could finally love Zane.

But I wouldn't be happy. Not while I knew what I had done to him. Not when I still ached from the way he had treated me months before. I made my choice the moment I fell into Ollie's arms. He needed to know—and if it was meant to work out, it would.

"Zane I…. Last night I saw Ollie…I spent the night at his place." His excited demeanor vanished immediately. His face turned pale, his eyes horrified. I didn't need to say anything else; he knew what had happened.

He hid the agony behind his stone unfeeling face. He was trying to be calm—trying to be civil. But behind his defenses was an intense desire to let go. I continued speaking. "It was only once. I didn't plan it or even want it, Zane. I didn't know I was going to sleep with him. It just…"

"It just happened."His voice made my eyes water. I thought I was out of them. Apparently, that wasn't the case. The voice was dead—void of all compassion and sympathy. This was the closest feeling to hated he could ever have for me. "Funny how easily it 'just happened'

Easy? He thought this was easy? "No…" I swept the falling tear from my eye as I spoke. I had to be strong. I had to follow through. "It wasn't easy at all! Zane, he flirted with me for months and I turned him down every time! I waited for you… I wanted you to come to bed with me and stay there. I wanted you to forgive yourself and forget about what happened in the past. But instead you let it run your life!"

"And that was your reason for having sex with him!" He roared. I sobbed quietly, but endured it. "I didn't want to hurt you anymore! I only wanted to love and please you and you repay me by sleeping with that filthy basturd? How could you, Atti?"

I gasped when he kicked the table aside. He had never reacted like that. He was always above destructive release. Even the harmful electrodes he used to poison his own body—seem more civilized. He kneeled down before me, talking in a much calmer voice. "I know I hurt you Atticus… I'd do anything to take it back. I would have spent every night with you—but the nightmares were getting to be too much. You wanted to let it go so…I slept on the couch, I tried to deal with it myself…The last thing I wanted to do was to make you sleep with another man…"

"But all you did was hurt me more. You isolated yourself from me—You made me feel like a burden to you. I felt like you only loved me because of the duel we had when you were Hell Kaiser."

Zane exploded once again. "That's not true! And you know damn well it isn't!" He turned his head and sighed. "I love you for so many reasons, Atti. That duel just….I felt terrible because it hurt you. And yes I wanted to make it up, but it's not why I'm with you! How many times do I have to tell you that before you believe it?"

"I don't know." I stated honestly. Zane's mouth fell open, trying to find the words to make this right. That was when it hit me; when I realized that despite what my sister said and what I told myself… telling the truth didn't fix things. It made me feel better and less guilty—but it didn't change how miserable and depressed I felt about everything. That was with all the promises Zane was making.

Zane and I used to be best friends; we used to be love interests. And believe it or not, I was happier then than I was with him. Perhaps under different circumstances, we might have been able to love each other peacefully and without chaos. But I can't change what happened. I can't stop Zane from becoming Hell Kaiser, and I can't change the fact that I cheated on him. There was only one true way to end the pain. "But, it's become apparent that all we seem to do is hurt each other…And I don't want to live in that world anymore, Zane."

There was a long silence between us. Zane tried to find the words to change my mind. To argue that there was another way. There was none—he knew the same thing I did. "So…it's over then?"

For a moment, I fondly remembered every happy moment in our lives. The time we spent at duel academy, the late nights chatting each other up, laughing at one another's jokes, even the early days we were together were wonderful. And some of the bad times—the arguments, the jibes, the yelling. I would miss every part of what we had together. But this was the only way we could truly be happy.

"It's over." I confirmed.


End file.
